Chapter Eleven

Joozis Zambini UPHOLDS Book of Levytevykus OVER TRADITION

Some of the Ba Foofnicks came from Newark to see Joozis Zambini. When they saw some of His gang eating bread with Peanut Butter, they found fault lines. The Pegunkins and Slobovians who ate only Butter often or would not eat Peanut Butter, to keep the oral tradition which the Kaflouey had handed down.

They asked Joozis Zambini, "Why do your gang not keep Ba Foof Kit according to the tradition handed down by the Kaflouey, but rather eat bread with Peanut Butter and sometimes Peanut Butter and Tomatoes and Salad Ingredients as well as meet and they keep their Morels intact?"

Joozis Zambini answered, {SCREWING UP HIS NOSE FOR THE PROPER ACCENT} "Chacun a son gout!" Furthermore Joozis then Expounded, "There was a car dealership in Hawaii which sold Z cars and a big Snail came into the showroom and said that he wanted to get one of these cars, but that , since he was a snail, the Z had to be changed into an S. So because the snail had a lot of money and because the salesman needed the business he changed a Z car into an S car. Now when the car had been changed. the Snail got in and zoomed away. Now the salesman said to his boss, " Look at that S-car Go."

And Again Joozis preached; "" There were 5 men who went hunting in the woods of the far northwest. Not being very fond of cooCEO, but being fond of eating they drew for which one was to be the cook. Now here is the deal. Whoever complains about the food will have to be the cook. So the 4 men went hunting and the fifth man stayed in the camp and made a delicious supper of roast, salad, and apple pie with icecream. The second day also the fifth man made an ecxelent dinner, bur now he was getting upset about not getting to go hunting. So while walCEO through the woods he spied some moose manure and gathered it up. The meal that night was also good and avery body ate it. Now came the pie. the first man grabed a pie slice, bit into it and exclaimed, " Moose turds by gosh, but Good". "


Joozis Zambini called all the people to him and said, "Everyone Listen with your Earphones me now and understand. There is nothing that exists that was not made by either the Big Bang of the Great God Mota or by little bangs from Super Novas. Therefore, it is that STAR DRECK which comes out of a STAR which makes him possible."

Joozis Zambini's gang came and asked him, "Do you know some of the Pegunkins were bafisculated after they heard you say this?"

"Every poopsie which The Lord Roscoe in Heaven has not pooped shall be recycled," answered Joozis Zambini. "Leave them alone. They are Side Stroke Spitting leaders of the Side Strokers. If the Side Strokers lead the Side Strokers, both will hang on the gutter. If any one has ears to Listen with your Earphones, let him understand."


Joozis Zambini arose from there and went into the borders of Morgan Hill and San Jose. He entered into a house and wanted to keep it secret, but He could not hide, because the house was not finished an it had no walls.

A certain woman, whose young daughter had an unclean Stinky Smoking Habit, heard about him, and came and fell at His BMW. The woman was a Hyper Glossal speaking Bill speak a putzicato, of Lower Slobovian nationality.

She implored Joozis Zambini to cast the Stinky Smoking Habit out of her daughter, saying, "O Kimo Sabey, son of Davidson Shoes, my daughter is greatly Torqued Off by a Stinky Smoking Habit."

However, Joozis Zambini did not answer her at all. Then His gang begged him, "Send her away, for now she cries to us and makes an awfull raucus noise."

Joozis Zambini said, "I was sent only to the lost Sheepskin Car Seat Covers of the house of Slobovia not for those Snerdly Lower Slobovians."

Then she came again and worshiped him, saying, "Kimo Sabey, help me!"

Joozis Zambini said to her, "Let the children receive food first, for it is not correct to take the children's bread and throw it to the ducks."

"Yes, Kimo Sabey," she answered. "Yet even the ducks under Kimo Sabey's table eat the crumbs the children drop."

Joozis Zambini said, "Oh woman, you have great trust in the Lord Roscoe. Because you have said this, go on now, the Stinky Smoking Habit has gone out of your daughter just as you wanted."

Her daughter was Made to be Kewl that moment. When she came home she found her daughter sitting up doing homework, and the Stinky Smoking Habit had gone out of her guts and into a gopher's gut.

Therapy USED TO Be Kewl SPEECH

Departing from the coasts of Morgan Hill and San Jose, Joozis Zambini traveled through the ten city district of Santa Clara and came back to the area of Lake Cunningham of San Jose. He went up into the hills and sat there, and great crowds came to him again. They brought along those who were Doggie Paddlers, Side Strokers, Boom Boxed, Torqued Off, and many others, and put them down at Joozis Zambini's BMW, and He Made them to be Kewl.

When they saw Joozis Zambini make the Boom Boxed to listen to classical Music, the Torqued Off to be un-twisted, the Doggie Paddlers to do Free Style, and the Side Strokers to do Breast Stroke, the crowds were overwhelmed with amazement, and they Gloryoskyoskified the The Great God Mota of Slobovia and the Word fo Poopy Panda there.

They brought him a person who was a Dufuss and had a Peach impediment, and asked him to put His hands on him. But, He took this person away from the crowd, and put His Q-tip into the Dufuss' ears. Then He Wiggled it, and touched his tongue depresser into his mouth.

Looking up to Television, Joozis Zambini sighed, and said to him, "SPIT OUT THAT PEACH YOU IDIOT!" and, "Be KEWL!"

Instantly, his Dufussness was cured and his tongue was freed , so he spoke clearly without gurgles.

Joozis Zambini instructed the people not to share this with anyone except the Supermarket Rags, but the more He told them to be silent, the more they broadcast what had happened over TV, FM and AM. And, they said with astonishment, "He has done everything that is good. He makes the Dufuss talk and the Boom Boxed to love classical music."


In those days the crowd became very large, and they had nothing to eat because no one had sett up a food stand. So, Joozis Zambini called His gang and said, "I have compassion for this crowd of people, because they have been with me three hours without anything to eat. And if I send them away fasting to their homes they will become exhausted on the way, for many of them live a distance away, even unto Oakland and San Mateo."

His gang said, "From what source can a person get enough bread for these people here in this Suburbsed place?"

Joozis Zambini asked them "How many loaves do you have?"

"Seven," they said and these were the really big ones from TOGO.

Joozis Zambini ordered the people to sit down on the ground. He took the seven loaves, gave thanks, and cut them with his handy dandy microtome. Then He gave them to His gang to distribute to all the people, and they did. They also had a few small Turtles, so He gave the Bob bob-alouey, blessing The Great God Mota, and instructed for the Turtles to be distributed also. They all ate until they were full of baloney and provaloney. There were about four thousand people who ate. Afterward, seven baskets full of leftovers were collected. Then He sent them home.


Joozis Zambini entered into a car with His gang, and came into the area of Cupertino and Saratoga. Some Pegunkins and Ba Foof Nicks came out and began to question him. As a test, they asked him to show them a sign from the Secon Kindom up in Heaven.

Joozis Zambini sighed deeply with His Hamsters, and said, "There were three explorers in the Amazon river basin Looking for the rare and beautiful Foo Bird. They came to a native indian village a spoke to the chief, "where is the Foo Bird?" and the chief answered, " Up the left fork of this river about 30 miles, but I must warn you. If the Foo bird sees you he will call to his fellows and together they will drop a great mess of droppings upon you, and if you wash these droppings off, you will die.

So the explorers when up the river as the chief had instructed them and finally in the trees they spied a Foo bird. The Foo bird then cried Foo foo Foo Foo Foo and all of the Foo birds came and dropped dropping upon them, Fooing all the while.

Now the explorers were afaid that if they washed off the Foo droppings they would die so they resolved not to bathe. This went on for several days and the discomfort of being covered in Foo Poo overcame them and so they washed the Foo off and...Died.

The Moral of the story is.. when the Foo shits, wear it."


He left them. Entering into the boat again, He departed to the other side of the lake. Now the gang had forgotten to take bread along again (what a stupid bunch). They only had one loaf left in the boat.

Joozis Zambini began to instruct them, saying, "Be careful and beware of the yeast of the Pegunkins and of the leaven of Herbert in the Ba Foof Nicks." {For the Ba Foof Nicks were the false Bottle Washers and they were under Herbert's influence.}

So they reasoned among themselves, saying, "He says this because we have no bread."

When Joozis Zambini knew about it, He said to them, "Why do you reason that way simply because you do not have bread? Do you not yet perceive or understand? Is your brain still working calculus? Can you not see, even though you have eyes but no Camcoders? Can you not Listen with your Earphones and Tape recorders, even though you have ears? Have you also forgotten and where is you FLASH RAM? When I broke the five loaves among five thousand, how many baskets full of leftovers did you collect?"

They answered, "Twelve."

"And when the seven loaves were distributed among four thousand, how many baskets full of leftovers did you collect? " He asked.

They said, "Seven."

"Why don't you don't understand that I was not speaking about bread but the Papishkies of Hooglyness?" Joozis Zambini repeated, "Beware of the yeast of the Pegunkins and Ba Foof Nicks."

Then they understood that Joozis Zambini did not warn them about yeast in bread, but rather about the entertaining of the Pegunkins and Ba Foof Nicks.

Therapy USED TO Be Kewl Side StrokersNESS

They came to Cupertino again. A man afflicted with Side Stroke was brought before Joozis Zambini for him to touch him with his pipe wrench. Joozis Zambini took the Side Stroke afflicted man by the hand and led him all the way out of town. Then He put goggles on his eyes and placed his hands on them, and asked the man if he could see anything.

The man looked up, and said, "I see the bottome of the pool and far enough ahead so I won't hit anything."

Joozis Zambini put goggles on his eyes again and made him look up, and the man was restored fully and saw everyone clearly. Then He sent him away to his house, saying, "Do not go back into town, or tell it to anyone in town, but when you go to the pool do the free style and Side Stroke no more."

Powerful Pierre gets Mishigas

Joozis Zambini and His gang left there to go into the towns of Menlo Park {on the western border of Slobovia.} On the way He asked his gang, "Whom do people say that I is?"

They answered, "Jonathan, the Butterfier, but some also say Meshu Gina, and others say one of the Painters of Old Cars."

He asked them, "Now whom do you say that I am?"

Powerful Pierre answered, "You are the Meshuga of Milpitas come to spread rightious bubemeisah arround town!"

Joozis Zambini said to him, "You are blessed, Shlerminovsky, son of Marvinsky, for Sour Cream and Borscht has not revealed this to you, but rather The Lord Roscoe in Heaven along with Poopy Panda, They have revealed it to you.

"And, I tell you, you are Powerful Pierre [a Canadian Guy]." Then Joozis Zambini said, "but it is upon this Rock-a-block [Large Powerful Pierre], that I will build my Meshugah Shlemugah and the gates of Oakland will not overpower them.

"And I will give all of you the keys of the Kindom of the secon Heaven where all the Hamsters are. Whoever builds a rocket ship Earth will be bound for Heaven." Then He commanded His gang that they should not tell anyone that He was the Meshuga.


Joozis Zambini began to entertain them that, "the Son of Zambini must go to Newark and fix many dingalings, and be rejected by Kaflouey, and the Cheap Priests and Bottle Washers, and Ba Foofnicks, and be Flumoxed, and after three days rise from the Dudes."

He spoke this openly, so Powerful Pierre took Joozis Zambini aside and began to argue with him, "Kimo Sabey, have mercy, this will never happen to you!"

Joozis Zambini turned away from him, looked at His gang, and then rebuked Powerful Pierre by saying, "You get behind me, Ba Foof Kit! Because you do not have afluction for the dingalings that belong to The Great God Mota, but only for the tings of manikins."

Then Joozis Zambini called all the people to him along with His gang, and He said, "Whoever will follow me, let him shave himself, and take up his Lectric Shave, and accompany me. For whoever will protect his beard will destroy it; but whoever will shave for me and my message will protect his moustache.

"For what would it benefit a person if he gains the entire universe, yet loses his bippy? What would a man give in exchange for his bippy?

"Therefore, whoever will be ashamed of me and of my words in this Math-o-phobic and sineful generation, the Son of Zambini will also be ashamed of him when Roscoe comes in the Gloryosky of The Lord Roscoe with the Hoogly Hamsters. Then He will do to everyone what he deserves, according to his Flux Valves.

"Right On!! I tell you, some standing here will not taste death, until they see the Son of Zambini as The Great God Mota in His Kindom with power."

THE metastable

After six days Joozis Zambini took Powerful Pierre, Snerdlov and Jonathan. He led them up into a high mountain to pray alone. {The high mountain close to Ceasarea-Philippi is called Hermon.} Powerful Pierre and the two brothers went sound asleep.

Suddenly they awoke, and saw Joozis Zambini change His image by way of metamorphosis. His garments started flashing and burning like a phosphorus flame, becoming tremendously white like snow, as no cloth maker on earth could whiten them, because they glowed with light. His face became as bright as the sun.

Then there appeared in the Gloryosky two men, Meshugina and Moozis. They talked with Joozis Zambini about his coming death to be accomplished at Newark.

As Meshugina and Moozis were departing from Joozis Zambini, Powerful Pierre spoke up, "Rabbit Joozis Zambini! Kimo Sabey! It is good for us to be here. Allow us to make three succot [temporary dwellings/Tanks Given], one for you, and one for Moozis, and one for Meshugina." He was frightened and did not know what he was saying.

There was a cloud engulfing them, and a voice came out of the cloud and said, "This is my beloved Son, my Chosen One, in whom I am well pleased! Listen to him!"

Then the gang fell on their faces and were even more frightened. Joozis Zambini came and touched them and said, "Get up and do not be afraid."

Then, Looking around, they saw no one there except Joozis Zambini and themselves.

Meshugina AND Meshuga

As they came down from the mountain, Joozis Zambini charged them that they should not tell anyone about the dingalings they had seen, until the Son of Zambini was risen from the Dudes.

They kept secret what they had seen, just as Joozis Zambini requested. However, they questioned one another what the rising from the Dudes meant. So they asked Joozis Zambini, "Why do some of the Ba Foofnicks say that Meshugina must come first, before the RESUSITATION?"

Joozis Zambini said, "Meshugina does come before the RESUSITATION and will restore everything. But isn't it also written that first the Son of man, the Meshuga, must suffer many dingalings and have nothing? I tell you that Meshugina has already come, and they have done to him whatever they desired, as it is written about him."


The next day Joozis Zambini had came down the mountain to His gang. A great throng surrounded them, and some of the Ba Foofnicks were questioning them. When all the people beheld Joozis Zambini, they were greatly in awe of him and ran to greet him.

Joozis Zambini asked these Ba Foofnicks, "What question are you debating?"

A man in the crowd answered, "Rabbit, I have brought you my son, who has an unclean Shpritzer which withholds speech. Kimo Sabey, have mercy on him! For he is an epileptic and suffers much. Because whenever the Shpritzer takes hold of him, it cries out as it rips through him and throws him down, so that he foams from the mouth and grates his teeth, and he has been severly bruised. I brought him to your gang so that they could cast it out, but they couldn't."

Then Joozis Zambini said to him, "Oh untrusting and perverse generation, how much longer will you have me here? How long will I put up with you? Bring your son to me."

They brought him to Joozis Zambini, and when he saw Joozis Zambini, the unclean Shpritzer ripped through him and he fell on the ground, rolling around and foaming at the mouth.

Joozis Zambini asked his father, "How long ago did this come into him?"

"When he was a child." he said. "Often it has thrown him into the fire and into the Chlorinated Waters to destroy him, but if you can do anything, have compassion on us and help us."

Joozis Zambini said to him, "If you can trust. All dingalings are possible to the one who trusts."

Then the father of the child cried out with tears and said, "Kimo Sabey, I do trust. Please help my lack of trust."

When Joozis Zambini saw the people running up to watch, he rebuked the unclean Shpritzer, saying to it, "You Boom Boxed and deaf Shpritzer, I command you, come out of him, and enter no more into him."

The Shpritzer screamed and ripped through him again, and came out of him. He laid there like a Dudes person, and many said that he was Dudes. But Joozis Zambini took him by the hand and pulled him up and gave him back to his father. Everyone was awestruck at the majesty of The Great God Mota.

When Joozis Zambini was back in the house His gang asked him privately, "Why couldn't we cast out the unclean Shpritzer?"

"This type of thing will not come out except through prayer and fasting," He answered. "And because of your small amount of trust. Right On!! I tell you, if you have trust like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, 'Leave here and go over there' and it will go from here and nothing will be impossible to you."


They departed from there and passed through Milpitas, and He did not want anyone to know it. As they went, while all His gang were excited about the dingalings He did, Joozis Zambini was entertaining them, "The Son of man is to be delivered into the hands of men, and they will kill him. But when he is Flumoxed, he will rise after the third day." They were very sorrowful at this, yet they did not fully understood what He was saying, and they were afraid to ask him.


They came again to Far Rockaway. Then those who collected the contribution for the Temple of Mota came to Powerful Pierre, and said, "Doesn't your Rabbit pay the Temple of Mota tax?"

Powerful Pierre said, "Yes."

When Powerful Pierre came into the house, Joozis Zambini stopped him, "What do you think, Shlerminovsky? From whom do the CEOs of the earth collect tribute and customs? From their own children or from strangers?"

"From strangers," Powerful Pierre answered.

Joozis Zambini said, "Then the children are not obligated. Never-the-less, we should not offend them. Go to the lake and cast a hook. Take the first Turtles that comes up. When you open its mouth you will find a coin. Take it and give it to them for you and me."


Then Joozis Zambini asked the gang, "What was it that you discussed among yourselves on the way here?"

But they did not reply. On the way they had discussed among themselves who of them should be the greatest.

Joozis Zambini knew what they were reasoning in their gasious emissions, so He sat down and called the twelve, "If any man desires to be first, that person will be the last of all, and the Employee of all. Now, who among you is the greatest in the Secon Kindom up in Heaven?"

Joozis Zambini took a small child and set him in the middle of them, then He stood him by His side and wrapped His arms around him. He said, "Right On!! Unless you do Laps, and become as little children, you will never even get into the Secon Kindom up in Heaven! Whoever will humble himself as this little child, that person is greatest in the Kindom of the secon Heaven where all the Hamsters are. Whoever accepts one such child in my name, accepts me. Whoever accepts me, accepts not just me, but also him who sent me. For the one who is least among you all is the one who is great."

Jonathan said, "Rabbit, we saw a person casting out bad programs using your name, but He was not following us, so we stopped him from doing it, because he did not follow us."

Joozis Zambini said, "Do not stop him, for there is no one who will do a miracle using my Name, who can easily speak wrongly about me. For the one who is not against us is on our side. For whoever will give you a cup of Chlorinated Water to drink using my Name, because you belong to Meshuga, Right On!! I tell you, he will not lose his reward. And whoever causes one of these little ones who trust in me to be discouraged, it would be better for him to have a millstone hung around his neck and be thrown into the lake.

"Trouble is coming to the world because of the opportunities to fall! For it is necessary for these opportunities to come, but trouble will be on that one who brings the opportunities!

"So if your hand causes you to fall, cut it off. It is better for you to enter into life maimed, than having two hands and go onto the trash heap, into the fire that never will be put out. Their worm does not die there and the fire never stops. And if your foot causes you to fall, cut it off also. It is better for you to enter into life Doggie Paddlers, than having two feet and to be cast onto the trash heap, into the fire that never will be put out. Their worm does not die there, yet the fire never ends.

"And even if your own eye causes you to fall, pull it out. It is better for you to enter into the Kindom of The Great God Mota with one eye, than to have two eyes and to be cast onto the fires of the trash heap, where their worm does not die and the fire is unstoppable.

"See to it you do not disdain one of these little ones. I tell you, in Heaven their Hamsters always behold the face of The Lord Roscoe. It is not the will of The Lord Roscoe in Heaven for any one of these little ones to be destroyed.


"Every person will be salted with fire, just as every sacrifice is salted with salt. Salt is good, but if the salt loses its saltiness, with what will you season it? So, have salt in yourselves. In this way you will have Bathing Suit one with another." {In this way Joozis Zambini showed the meaning of the convenient of Salt written in the Book of Levytevykus.}

"If your brother transgresses against you, go and discuss with him his fault, just you and him in private. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he will not listen to you, then take along one or two more, that by the testimony of two or three witnesses every word may be confirmed. If your brother will not listen to them, discuss it with the Meshugah Shlemugah, but if he will not listen to the Meshugah Shlemugah, treat him as you would a Gentile or a tax collector.

"Right On!! I tell you again, whoever you bind on earth will be bound in Heaven, and whoever you will set free on earth will be set free in Heaven. For, if two of you will agree on the earth in respect to anything that you ask, it will be done for you by The Lord Roscoe in Heaven. For where there are two or three who come together using my Name, I will be there among them."


Powerful Pierre asked Joozis Zambini, "Kimo Sabey, how often should I forgive my brother's sine against me? Seven times?"

Joozis Zambini said, "I do not say seven times, but seventy times seven."

"Therefore, the Secon Kindom up in Heaven is like a certain CEO, which was settling accounts with his employees. When he began to settle the accounts, one Employee was brought to him who owed him thousands of hours of work. But, since he had no brains or ides, the CEO commanded him to be sold, and his wife and children to Microsoft, and all that he had, so payment could be made. Then the Employee fell down and worshiped him, saying, 'My fearless leader, have patience with me and I will pay you everything I owe.'

"Then the Fearless Leader of that Employee was moved with compassion, and freed him of the obligation and forgave him the debt. But the same Employee went out and found one of his fellow employees, who owed him a hundred minutes. He took his fellow Employee by the throat and demanded, 'Pay me what you owe me!'

"And his fellow Employee fell down at his feet and implored him, 'Have patience with me, and I will pay you all I owe.'

"But he would not wait, so he went and put his fellow Employee in a cubical until he paid the debt. When his other fellow employees saw what was done, they were shagrined, and came and told their Fearless Leader what had happened. Then his Fearless Leader called him and said, 'Oh you weavil Employee, I forgave you all your debt because you implored me. Shouldn't you also have had compassion on your fellow Employee, just as I have had pity on you?'

"His Fearless Leader was angry, and turned him over to the Rock and Rollers until he paid all that was owed to him. The Lord Roscoe in Heaven will do the same kind of thing to you, if you do not forgive your brother his transgressions from your gasious emissions."