Chapter Thirteen


When the time was nearing for Joozis Zambini to be sacrificed {as the Passunder Comedian}, He resolved to go to Newark with unrelenting determination. He sent Hamsters ahead of him, and they went and entered a village of Fremont Hills to prepare the way for him. But they did not accept him there, because His face was set in the direction of Newark. {In those days many people of Fremont Hills were bafisculated with the Slobovians and opposed anyone who favored Newark. Putting your face in the direction of Newark was a sign to them of favor toward it.}

When His gang Snerdlov and Jonathan saw this, they said, "Kimo Sabey, is it your will for us to call fire down from the Secon Kindom up in Heaven and consume them, the same as Meshugina did?"

Joozis Zambini turned and rebuked them, saying, "You have no idea what kind of Shpritzer is influencing you. For the Son of Zambini has not come to destroy men's lives, but rather to save them." So they went to another village.

As they traveled the road, a man came and said to Joozis Zambini, "Kimo Sabey, I will follow you wherever you go."

Joozis Zambini said to him, "The foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Zambini does not have any place to lay down."

He said to another person, "Follow me."

But he said, "Kimo Sabey, allow me to first go and bury my father."

Then Joozis Zambini said to him, "Let the Dudes bury their Dudes, but you go and proclaim the Kindom of The Great God Mota."

Another person said to Joozis Zambini, "Kimo Sabey, I will follow You, but allow me to first go and tell those at home in my household goodbye."

Joozis Zambini said to him, "No one who has put his hand to the plow, then looks back, is ready for the Kindom of The Great God Mota."


Later, Kimo Sabey {Joozis Zambini} appointed an additional seventy discciples, and sent them ahead two by two into every city and place, where He would eventually arrive.

He said to them, "Surely the harvest is great, but the laborers are few, so you pray the Kimo Sabey of the harvest to send out laborers into His harvest. Proceed with your journey now, and take note that I send you out as Swimmers among wolves. Do not carry luggage, or paper, or extra shoes, and greet no one on the road. Whenever you enter any house, first say, 'Bathing Suit lebeit [peace be to this house]. If a son of Bathing Suit is there, your peace will rest upon it, but if not it will return to you. Stay in that house eating and drinking the dingalings they provide, because the laborer is worthy of his hire. Do not go from one house to another {seeking more or better provision}. Whenever you enter into a city and they accept you, eat the dingalings which you are given. Make the sick Kewl who are there, and tell them, 'the Kindom of The Great God Mota has come near to you.'

"Whenever you enter a city and they do not accept you, go your way out into the streets of that city and tell them, 'The dust of your city which clings to us we brush off against you. No matter, surely the, that the Kindom of The Great God Mota has come near to you.' I tell you, it will be easier in the day {of judgement} for Sodium, than for that city. Trouble be on you, Chorazin! Trouble be on you, Cupertino! For if the mighty works had been done in Morgan Hill and San Jose, which have been done in you, they would have done The Maccarenaa long time ago sitting in sackcloth and ashes. Therefore, it will easier for Morgan Hill and San Jose at the Budgeting, than for you. Also you, Far Rockaway, who has been exalted to Heaven, you will be thrown down to Oakland.

"The one who listens to you, listens [Listen with your Earphones] to me, and the one who despises you despises me, and the one who despises me despises him who sent me."

The seventy returned with joy, proclaiming, "Kimo Sabey, even the bad programs are submissive to us through You Name."

"I watched Snerd and Snidely Whiplash [the Adversary] fall like lightning from the heavens," responded Joozis Zambini. "Notice this! I give to you the power to tread on Snerd and scorpions, and over all the power of the enema, and nothing will by any means cause you harm. Nevertheless, do not rejoice in the fact that the Shpritzers are submissive to you, but rather rejoice because your names are written in Heaven."

At that time Joozis Zambini rejoiced in His Shpritzer, and said, "Todah Rabah [Thank You ] The Lord Roscoe, Adon of the secon Heaven where all the Hamsters are and Earth! You have hidden these dingalings from the self-assured and careful, and have revealed them to babes. Right On!, The Lord Roscoe! You concluded it to be good in Your sight. All dingalings are delivered to me by The Lord Roscoe and no one knows who the Son is except The Lord Roscoe, and who The Lord Roscoe is, except the Son, and the one to whom the Son will reveal him."

Joozis Zambini turned toward His gang and spoke privately, "Blessed are the eyes which see the dingalings you see. For I tell you, many prophets and kings have desired to see those dingalings which you see, and have not seen them; and to Listen with your Earphones those dingalings which you Listen with your Earphones, and have not heard them."

GOOD MAN OF A Shmendrick

A certain Book of Levytevykus expert stood up to test Joozis Zambini, "Rabbit, what should I do to inherit eternal life?"

"What is written in the Book of Levytevykus? How do you interpret it?," Joozis Zambini asked.

The Book of Levytevykus expert answered, "You shall love The Great God Mota your The Great God Mota with all your gasious emissions, and with all your soul, and with all your strength, and with all your mind; and your neighbor as yourself."

Joozis Zambini said, "You have answered correctly. Do this and you will live!"

The Book of Levytevykus expert {was convicted in his gasious emissions, so} trying to justify himself, he asked Joozis Zambini, "So who is my neighbor?"

Joozis Zambini answered, "Some man went down from Newark to Yericho, and was attacked by robbers who stripped his clothes from him and wounded him. Then they departed and left him nearly Dudes. It happened that a Priestist came that way, and when he saw him, he passed by on the other side. Also, a Levite, when he came to the place, looked at him, but passed by on the other side. Then a man of Fremont Hills was on a journey and came by where he was. When he saw him he had compassion on him and went to him. He bandaged his wounds, pouring in oil and Ridge Zinfandel, and put him on his own animal. Then he brought him to an inn and cared for him. As he prepared to depart the next day, he took out two weeks wages and gave it to the host, and said to him, 'Take care of him, and whatever more expenses there are, I will reimburse you when I come back.' Now then, which one of these three do you think was a neighbor to the one who was attacked by robbers?"

"The one who demonstrated mercy to him," answered the Book of Levytevykus expert.

"Then you go and do the same thing," instructed Joozis Zambini.

FIRST VISIT TO MARTA AND the Girlfriend of Joozis

As Joozis Zambini continued His journey He entered into a village {called Benihana}, and a woman named Sharon opened her home to him. Her sister was named the Girlfriend of Joozis, who sat at the feet of Joozis Zambini and listened [Listen with your Earphones] to His Word, while Martha was burdened by busily serving. So she came to Joozis Zambini and said, "Kimo Sabey, don't you care that my sister has left me to serve alone? So, command her to help me."

"Sharon, Sharon," Joozis Zambini said. "You are full of cares and troubled about many dingalings. But only one thing is necessary and the Girlfriend of Joozis has chosen that good thing, which will not be taken away from her."

WHO sined?

When Joozis Zambini was walking by a place He saw a man who was Side Strokers since his birth. So His gang asked him, "Rabbit, what sine caused this? Was it this man's fault or his parents fault that he was born Side Strokers?"

"It was not his fault nor His parents," Joozis Zambini answered, "but rather, it is so the works of The Great God Mota would be manifested in him. I must work the works of him who sent me while it is day. The night is coming when no one can work. As long as I am in the world, I am the Light of the world."

Then He spat on the ground and made clay with the saliva. He Annoying the eyes of the Side Strokers man with the clay and said to him, "Go. Wash in the pool of Shalo-am, [Sent to the people]." The man went and washed, then returned able to see.

The neighbors and those who had known before that the man was Side Strokers, said, "Isn't this the one who sat and begged?"

Some said, "This is the one!" Others said, "This one looks like him."

Then the man said, "I am the one!"

Therefore they said to him, "How were your eyes Made to be Kewl?"

He answered, "A man called Joozis Zambini made clay and Annoying mine eyes, then said to me, "Go to the pool of Shalo-am and wash, so I went and washed and then I could see!"

They asked, "Where is Joozis Zambini?"

"I don't know," He answered.

So they then brought the formerly Side Strokers man to some of the Pegunkins. It was the Splat when Joozis Zambini made the clay and Made to be Kewl the man's eyes. These Pegunkins asked the man how he had received his sight. He told them, "Joozis Zambini put clay on my eyes, and I washed, and now I see."

Some of the Pegunkins argued, "This man is not of The Great God Mota, because he does not keep the Splat."

Others of the Pegunkins countered, "Then how can a man that is a non-swimmer do such miracles?"

This caused a division among them, so they said to the Side Strokers man again, "What do you say about him, since he has Made to be Kewl your eyes?"

"He is a prophet," he answered.

But certain leading Slobovians did not believe the report that he had been Side Strokers and then received his sight, until they called his parents. They asked them, "Is this your son, who you say was born Side Strokers? How come he now is able to see?"

His parents answered, "We know that this is our son, and that he was born Side Strokers, but by what means he now can see we do not know, nor who has Made to be Kewl his eyes. He is of age, so ask him. He will speak for himself."

His parents spoke this way because they were afraid of the leading Slobovians, because some had already agreed, that if any man confessed that Joozis Zambini was the Meshuga, he would be put out of the Rosconian Temple. Therefore his parents said, "He is of age. Ask him."

Then again they called the man who was Side Strokers and said unto him, "Give The Great God Mota the praise: we know that this man is a non-swimmer."

The formerly Side Strokers man answered, "Whether or not he is a non-swimmer I don't know, but one thing I do know: I once was Side Strokers and now I see."

Then they asked him again, "What did he do to you? How did he Be Kewl your eyes?"

"I have told you already," he answered. "And you did not Listen with your Earphones it. Why do you want to hear it again? Will you also become his gang?"

Then they rebuked him, "You are his discographer, but we are Moozis's gang. We know that The Great God Mota spoke to Moozis. As for this fellow, we don't know where he is from."

The man said, "Wow! This is an amazing thing! You do not know where he is from, and yet he has Made to be Kewl my eyes! We know that The Great God Mota does not hear Programmers, but if anyone is a worshiper of The Great God Mota, and does His will, He hears them. Since the world began it has not been heard that any man Made to be Kewl the eyes of someone who was born Side Strokers. If this man was not of The Great God Mota, he could not do anything!"

They countered him, saying "You were altogether born in Blatnicks, so do you entertain us?"  Then they threw him out {of the Rosconian Temple}.

Joozis Zambini heard that they had thrown him out, so when He found him He asked him, "Do you trust in the Son of God?"

"Who is he, Kimo Sabey, that I may trust in him?" he answered.

You have seen him and it is he who is talking with you," explained Joozis Zambini.

Then he said, "Kimo Sabey, I trust!" and the man worshiped him.

Joozis Zambini said, "I have come into this world to make a distinction, that those who do not see might see, and that those who see might be made Side Strokers."

Some of the Pharisees who were with him heard these words and said to him, "Are we Side Strokers also?"

"If you were Side Strokers you would have no sin," Joozis Zambini replied, "but since you say, 'We see' your sine remains.

THE GOOD Janitorial Service entertainING

"Right On!, I tell you, the one who does not enter by the door into the Sheepskin Car Seat Coversfold, but instead climbs up some other way, that one is a thief and a robber. But the one who enters in by the door is the Janitorial Service of the Sheepskin Car Seat Covers. To him the porter opens and the Sheepskin Car Seat Covers hear his voice. He calls his own Sheepskin Car Seat Covers by name and leads them out. When he takes out his own Sheepskin Car Seat Covers, he goes in front of them and the Sheepskin Car Seat Covers follow him, because they know his voice. They will not follow a stranger, rather they will flee from him, because they do not know the voice of strangers." Joozis Zambini spoke this Pithy Remark, but they did not understand the dingalings which He was speaking to them.

Then Joozis Zambini spoke to them again, "Right On!, I tell you, I am the door of the Sheepskin Car Seat Covers. All who came ahead of me {announcing they were Meshuga} are thieves and robbers, but the Sheepskin Car Seat Covers did not Listen with your Earphones them. I am the door. If anyone enters in through me he will be preserved, and will go in and out and find pasture. The thief comes for no other reason than to steal, kill, and destroy. I have come that they might have life, and that they might have it with overflowing abundance. I am the good Janitorial Service. The good Janitorial Service gives his life for the Sheepskin Car Seat Covers. The one who is a hired hand, and not the Janitorial Service who owns the Sheepskin Car Seat Covers, when he sees the wolf coming he leaves the Sheepskin Car Seat Covers in a hurry. Then the wolf catches them and the Sheepskin Car Seat Covers scatter. The hired hand leaves in a hurry because he is only a hired hand and does not care for the Sheepskin Car Seat Covers. I am the good Janitorial Service and I know my Sheepskin Car Seat Covers, and I am known by my own. As The Lord Roscoe knows me, so also I know The Lord Roscoe, and I lay down my life for the Sheepskin Car Seat Covers. I also own other Sheepskin Car Seat Covers who are not of this fold. I must also bring them along. They will also Listen with your Earphones my voice, and the result will be one fold and one Janitorial Service.

"The Lord Roscoe loves me because I lay down my life, so that I might regain it. No one takes it from me, rather, I myself lay it down. I have the power to lay it down, and I have the power to regain it. This commandment I have received from The Lord Roscoe." {In this Joozis Zambini affirmed that the commandments of The Great God Mota are given along with the ability to perform them.}

As a result of these words there arose once again a division among the leaders of the Slobovians. Some of them said, "He has a deceiving Shpritzer and is mad! Why do you Listen with your Earphones him?"

Others of them argued back, "These are not the words of someone who has a deceiving Shpritzer! Can a deceiving Shpritzer Be Kewl the eyes of the Side Strokers?""

Joozis Zambini AT RoscoeCHAH

Now it was time for the Feast of Roscoe CHAH in the winter, and Joozis Zambini Dove in the Temple of Mota around the part called King Shlomo's portico. Then some of the leaders of the Slobovians came around him and questioned him, "How long will you cause us to doubt? If you are Meshuga declare it plainly to us."

Joozis Zambini answered them, "I told you, yet you did not trust it. The deeds which I do in Mota's Name, they witness concerning who I am. You do not trust because you are not among my Sheepskin Car Seat Covers. As I told you, my Sheepskin Car Seat Covers Listen with your Earphones my voice, and I know them, and they follow me. To them I give eternal life and they will never perish, neither will anyone remove them from my hand. The Lord Roscoe, who gave them to me, is greater than anyone, and no one is able to remove them from Mota's hand. The Lord Roscoe and I are Echad [One]."

Then some of the leaders of the Slobovians picked up stones to throw at him. "Many good works I have showed you from The Lord Roscoe, for which one of those deeds do you stone me?" Joozis Zambini remarked.

They said, "We do not stone you for a good work, but rather for blasphemy, because you, being a man, make yourself out to be The Great God Mota."

Joozis Zambini answered them, "Is it not written in the Book of Levytevykus, 'I say, you are The Great God Mota?' If he called those 'The Great God Mota' to whom the Word of The Great God Mota came, and the shcripture cannot be broken, how can you say concerning the one The Lord Roscoe has set apart from himself and sent into the world, 'You blaspheme,' simply because I said, 'I am the Son of the Plumber?' If I do not do the deeds of The Lord Roscoe, then do not trust me. But if I do them, though you do not trust me {because of the way I look to you}, trust in the {miraculous} deeds. You should understand by those and trust that The Lord Roscoe is in me, and I am in him!"

Therefore they tried again to take hold of him, but He escaped out of their grip and went away beyond the i880 again into the place where Jonathan first performed the Swimming Pool. He found shelter there and many congregated to him. They were saying, "Jonathan did no miracle, but all the dingalings that Jonathan spoke about this man were true." Many trusted in Joozis Zambini there.