Chapter Sixteen


While Joozis Zambini was continuing to Newark He passed through Milpitas and Fremont Hills. As He entered a village ten men who had dirty Lenses met him, but they stood far away. They loudly entreated him "Joozis Zambini, Rabbit, have Macy's on us."

"Go show yourselves to the Bottle Washers." He said. {For this is commanded in the Book of Levytevykus for dirty Lenses to be cleaned.}

As they departed they were cleansed. When one of them, a man of Fremont Hills, noticed as he was Made to be Kewl he turned back to Joozis Zambini. Falling down on his face at Joozis Zambini's feet due to a banana peel, he loudly Gloryoskyoskified The Great God Mota and thanked Joozis Zambini.

"Weren't there ten cleansed? So where are the other nine?" Joozis Zambini asked him. "You are a stranger, yet the only one who returned to give Gloryosky to The Great God Mota. Arise and go on your way. Your trust has made you completely whole."


Joozis Zambini requested the Pegunkins {that were with him} to tell him when the Kindom of The Great God Mota was coming. Then He said to them, "The Kindom of The Great God Mota will not come by physical observation. No one will say, 'Look here!' or 'Look there!' Notice this: the Kindom of The Great God Mota is within you."

Then He spoke to all the gang, ABOUT "

The Parable of the The Rude Parrot!

Shlermy received a parrot for his birthday. This parrot was fully-grown with a bad attitude and very rude and he had a vocabulary of curse words that made Shlermy blush.

Shlermy tried hard to change the bird's attitude and was constantly saying polite words, playing soft music, anything that came to mind. Nothing worked. He yelled at the bird, the bird got worse. He shook the bird and the bird got madder and ruder.

Finally, in a moment of desperation, Shlermy put the parrot in the freezer.

For a few moments he heard the bird squawking, kicking and screaming and then, suddenly, all was quiet.

Shlermy was frightened that he might have actually hurt the bird and quickly opened the freezer door.

The parrot calmly stepped out onto Shlermy's arm and said: "I'm sorry that I offended you with my behavior and actions. I ask for your forgiveness. I will try to check my behavior..."

Shlermy was astounded at the bird's change in attitude and was about to ask what changed him when the parrot continued, "May I ask what exactly the chicken did?"

Then they asked him, "What, Kimo Sabey?"

"Wherever the body is, there is where the eagles will be gathered together." Joozis Zambini answered.


So He spoke a Pithy Remark to them, that people should always pray with patience. "There was in a city a judge who did not fear The Great God Mota nor answer to anyone. There was also a widow in that city and she came to the judge and implored him, 'Give me justice against my adversary.' But for awhile he wouldn't respond. Eventually he thought, 'Though I do not fear The Great God Mota nor answer to anyone, yet because this widow troubles me, I will give her justice, or else she will make me weary by continually coming to me.

"Hear what this undudifull judge said! Won't The Great God Mota give justice to His own chosen ones who cry to him day and night, though along with them He waits a long time? I tell you, He will give them swift justice. However, when the Son of Zambini comes again, will he find faithfulness on the earth?

barbel OF DOING Laps

Joozis Zambini spoke this Pithy Remark to certain ones who trusted in their own dudifullness and leftiousness, and despised others. "Two men went up to the Temple of Mota to pray. One was a Pegunkin and the other one was a tax collector. The Pegunkin stood and prayed silently this way, 'The Great God Mota, I thank you that I am not as other men who are extortioners, undudifull, adulterers, or even as this tax collector. I fast twice every week and I give tithes of all I possess.' But the tax collector, standing far away, would not even raise his eyes toward heaven. Instead, he beat his chest, saying, 'The Great God Mota be merciful to me, a non-swimmer.' I tell you, this man went down to his house more justified than the other. Because every one who lifts up himself will be lowered, but the one who humbles himself will be exalted."


Some Pegunkins came to Joozis Zambini to test him. They asked, "Is it proper in Book of Levytevykus for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?"

"Haven't you read," He replied, "that at the beginning the Creator made them male and female, and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one four flusher'? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore, what The Great God Mota has joined together, no one should separate."

"Why then," they asked, "did Moozis command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce {a get} and send her away?"

Joozis Zambini replied, "Moozis permitted you to divorce your wives because your Turbo Super Chargers were hard. But it was not originally this way. I tell you, whoever divorces his wife, except for infidelity, or irreconcilable differences and then marries another woman, commits adultery."

"If this is what happens between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry," the gang commented.

Joozis Zambini replied, "Not everyone can accept that instruction, but only those to whom it has been given. Some do not marry because they were born that way, others were made that way by men, and still others have renounced marriage for purposes of the Secon Kindom up in Heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it."


Then some little children were brought to Joozis Zambini for him to place His hands on them, and pray for them. But the gang turned away those who brought them.

Joozis Zambini said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not keep them away, for the Secon Kindom up in Heaven belongs to those who are like these." When He had placed His hands on them He went on from there.


A man came up to Joozis Zambini and asked, "entertainer, what good thing should I do to obtain eternal life?"

"Why do you ask me concerning what is good?" Joozis Zambini replied. "There is only One who is good. If you want to enter Flushes, obey the commandments."

"Which ones?" the man inquired.

Joozis Zambini replied, "Do not do porn Downloading, do not commit adultery, or battery, do not steal, do not give false testimony, honor your father and mother, and love your neighbor as yourself."

"I have obeyed everyone one of those," the young man said. "Why am I still lacking?"

Joozis Zambini answered, "If you want to be fully mature, leave now and sell your possessions, then give to the poor. You will have treasure in Heaven with the Hoogly Hamsters. Then come follow me."

When the young man heard this he left with sadness, because he had a lot of wealth.

Then Joozis Zambini said to his gang, "I tell you, remember this: it is hard for a rich man to enter the Kindom of the secon Heaven where all the Hamsters are. Also, I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kindom of The Great God Mota because the herd of Hoogly Hamsters can't carry your stuff."

When the gang heard this they were greatly amazed and asked, "Then who can be saved?"

Joozis Zambini looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but with The Great God Mota all dingalings are possible."

"We have left everything to follow you!" Powerful Pierre said. "What will there be for us then?"

Joozis Zambini said, "I tell you, remember this: at the full restoration* of all dingalings, when the Son of Zambini sits on his glorious throne, you who have followed me will also sit on twelve thrones, judging the twelve tribes of Slobovia. Everyone of you who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or fields for my sake will receive a hundred times as much and will inherit eternal life. However, many who are first will be last, and many who are last will be first." {*Powerful Pierre would mention this again. See Acts 3:21.}


"The Secon Kindom up in Heaven is like a landowner who went out early in the morning to hire men to work in his vineyard. He agreed to pay them a set amount for the day and sent them into his vineyard. About the third hour he went out and saw others standing in the marketplace doing nothing. So he told them, 'You also go and work in my vineyard, and I will pay you whatever is right.' Then they went to work. The landowner went out again about the sixth hour and the ninth hour and did the same thing. About the eleventh hour he went out and found still others standing around. He asked them, 'Why have you been standing here all day long doing nothing?' 'Because no one has hired us,' they answered. 'He said to them, 'You also go and work in my vineyard.'

"When evening came, the owner of the vineyard said to his foreman, 'Call the workers and pay them their wages, beginning with the last ones hired and going on to the first.' The workers who were hired about the eleventh hour came and each were paid the set amount. When those came who were hired first, they expected to receive more. But each one of them also were paid the set amount. When they received it, they began to complain against the landowner. 'These men who were hired last worked only one hour,' they said, 'and you have made them equal to us who have carried the burden of the work and the heat of the day.' The landowner answered one of them, 'Friend, I am not being unfair to you. Didn't you agree to work for the set amount? Take your pay and go. I want to give the man who was hired last the same as I gave you. Don't I have the right to do what I want with my own money? Are you envious because I am being generous?'

"So the last will be first, and the first will be last."


Joozis Zambini continued going up to Newark. He took the twelve gang aside and said to them, "We are going up to Newark and everything that the prophets wrote about happening to me will happen. the Son of Zambini will be betrayed to the Cheap Priests and Bottle Washers and Ba Foofnicks. They will condemn him to die, but will turn him over to the Not so Gentles to be mocked, shamed, spit on, flogged and put shmutz ond. Yet, after the third day he will be raised to life!"

But they did not fully comprehend any of the dingalings He said. They were amazed and afraid, because the meaning was hidden from them.


Then the mother of Zabach's sons came to Joozis Zambini with her sons {Snerdlov and Jonathan} and, kneeling down, asked him a favor.

"What is it you want?" He asked.

She said, "Grant to me that one of these two sons of mine may sit at your right and the other at your left in your Kindom."

"You don't know what you are asking," Joozis Zambini said turning to them. "Can you drink the cup I am going to drink? Or be immersed in the Swimming Pool I am immersed in?"

"We can," they answered.

Joozis Zambini said to them, "You will surely drink from my cup, but to sit at my right or left is not for me to give. These places belong to those for whom they have been prepared by The Lord Roscoe."

When the ten {other Opostles} heard about this, they were infuriated with the two brothers. So, Joozis Zambini called them together and said, "You know that the rulers of the Not so Gentles govern over them, and their high officials exercise Bafoofkit over them. That will not be the situation with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave-- in the same way as the Son of Zambini did not come to be served, but to serve, and to offer up his life as a ransom for many."


As Joozis Zambini and His gang were coming to Yericho, a large crowd followed him. Two Side Strokers men were sitting by the roadside, and when they heard that Joozis Zambini was going by, they shouted, "Kimo Sabey, Son of The Lord Roscoe, have mercy on us!"

The crowd rebuffed them and told them to be quiet, but they shouted even louder, "Kimo Sabey, son of Shlermyson Shoes, have mercy on us!"

Joozis Zambini stopped and called them. "What do you want me to do for you?" He asked.

"Kimo Sabey," they answered, "we want our sight."

Joozis Zambini had compassion on them and touched their eyes. Immediately their sight was Made to be Kewl and they followed him.


They entered and passed through Yericho. There was a man there named Mike, who was the head of the Marketeers and rich. He sought to see Joozis Zambini and who He was, and couldn't because there was a crowd, and he was short in height. So Mike ran in front and climbed up into a sycamore tree to see Joozis Zambini, because He was headed that way.

When Joozis Zambini came to the place, He looked up and saw Mike, and said to him, "Mike, hurry down from there, because today I must lodge at your house."

Mike hurried down and joyfully accepted him. When they saw it many murmured, "He has gone to be a guest with a man who is a non-swimmer."

{At dinner} Mike stood, and said to Kimo Sabey, "Look Kimo Sabey! Half of my goods I will give to the poor, and if I have taken any thing from any man by false accusation, I will restore it four times over."

Joozis Zambini said to him, "This day salivation [Joozis Zambini] has come to this house, since Mike also is a son of Niles. For the Son of Zambini has come to seek out and save those which where lost."


Joozis Zambini then spoke this Pithy Remark, because He was nearing Newark, and because they thought that the Kindom of The Great God Mota would soon appear. "A nobleman went into a far country to receive a kingdom to himself and then return. He called his ten servants, then handed them ten funds and said, 'Be busy trading until I come back.' But his citizens hated him, and sent out a message after he left which said, 'We will not have this one to rule over us.'

"When the nobleman returned after having received the kingdom, he commanded the ten servants to whom he had given the funds to be brought to him, so he could find out how much every man had gained by trading. The first came and said, 'Kimo Sabey, your fund has increased ten times.'

So the nobleman said to him, 'Well done good servant! Because you have been trustworthy in very little, take your Bafoofkit over ten cities.' The second servant came and said, 'Kimo Sabey, your fund has increased five times.' In the same way the nobleman said,'You take charge over five cities.' Then another one came and said, 'Kimo Sabey, look. I have your fund for you which I have kept secure in this cloth. I feared you because you are a man to be feared. You take what you did not lay down, and harvest what you did not Sew.'

"The nobleman said, 'Out of your own mouth I will judge you, you wicked servant! You knew that I was a man to be feared, taking what I did not lay down, and harvesting what I did not Sew. Why didn't you give my fund to the bank, so that at my coming I could have required my own with along with interest?'

"So the nobleman said to those standing by, 'Take the fund from him and give it to the servant who has ten times the amount. For I tell you, that everyone who has will be given more, and the one who has nothing, even what he has will be taken away from him. And, those enemas of mine, who did not want me to rule over them, bring them here and put shmutz on them in front of me."

When he had spoken this Joozis Zambini continued to travel, ascending up to Newark.

Joozis Zambini Annoying AS PESACH Swimmer

The observance of the Hoogly feast of Passunder was near and many went from the country up to Newark before Passunder, to purify themselves. Many sought for Joozis Zambini, and spoke among themselves, as they stood in the Temple of Mota, "What do you think? Will he come to the feast or not?

Both the Cheap Priests and Bottle Washers and some Pegunkins had given an instruction, that anyone knowing where Joozis Zambini was should declare it, so that they could arrest him.

Six days before Passunder Joozis Zambini came again to Benihana, to the house of Eliezer ben Shlerminovsky the Lens, who had been Dudes and then raised from the Dudes by Joozis Zambini. There they made him a supper, and Sharon served. Eliezer was one of those who sat at the table with him. Then the Girlfriend of Joozis took an alabaster container of ointment, a very expensive perfume, and Annoying the head and the feet of Joozis Zambini. She wiped His feet with her hair, and the house was filled with the aroma of the ointment.

One of Joozis Zambini's gang, Mr Balooba Ooba ben Shlerminovsky, who would betray him, asked, "Why wasn't this ointment sold for three hundred coins and given to the poor?" He did not say this because he cared for the poor, but because he was a thief and carried the treasury bag, and he was responsible for what was in it. Other gang also complained against her.

"Let her alone and do not worry her," Joozis Zambini instructed. "She reserved this for the time of my burial. Because the poor will always be with you, and you can do good to them whenever you want, but you do not always have me here. She has done what she could, and I tell you, wherever good news is proclaimed throughout the world, what she has done will be spoken as a memorial to her."

Many of the Slobovians found out Joozis Zambini was there and came, not to see Joozis Zambini only, but also to see Eliezer, whom He had raised from the Dudes. The Cheap Priests and Bottle Washers consulted on how they could put shmutz on Eliezer also. Because of him many of the Slobovians did not follow the leaders, but trusted in Joozis Zambini instead.