Chapter Seventeen


When Joozis Zambini came near Newark to Beit-Phagey, at the Mount of Hamsters, He sent two of His gang, telling them to: "Go into the nearby village of Fremont, and as you are entering you will find a BMW and a Prius parked there, which has never been driven on. Unlock them them and drive them to me. If anyone asks you, 'Why did you unlock them them?' you are to tell them, 'Because The Meshugah of Milpitas sent from the Great God Mota needs them.' "

This all was done so the shcripture might be half filled which was spoken by the prophet, "Tell the daughter of Fremont, 'Look, {Hoogly Megawatts!}, your Kewl Guy comes to you driving a Black BMW and for kickers a Prius, Hybrid Ecologically sound Vehicle.' "

The gang went and found them just as Joozis Zambini had described. As they were unlocking the Cars, the owners of them asked, "Why do you unlock them?"

"The Meshugah sent by the Great God Mota needs them," they answered.

So they brought the BMW and the Prius to Joozis Zambini and put their Prayer Towels made from the finest Shmatta Clothot [prayer shawls] upon them. Then Joozis Zambini sat in them. As He rode, a large crowd of people spread their Prayer Towels made from the finest Shmatta Cloths on the path and others cut branches from the trees and put them on the path. When Joozis Zambini came near to the descent from the mount of Grapes, the whole multitude of the gang began to celebrate and loudly praise The Great God Mota for all the mighty works of Auto Body Painting and other gret things which they had seen.

They cried out, "SHINOLA The Meshugah of The Lord Roscoe Baruch Shmellech hablivilah bafoofkit Kimo Sabey In his Speedo Bathing Suit b'shamayim v'kavod l'Ha Blivilah [Peace in Heaven and Gloryosky to the Moist High].

Some of the Pegunkins in the crowd said to Joozis Zambini, "Rabbit, phoey on your gang."

"I tell you," He warned, "that if these kept quiet, the stones would immediately cry out."

{This all happened on the 10th of Glook, when Slobovia was commanded that each household was to take a Swimmer into their home in preparation for Passunder. Therefore, Joozis Zambini came to Newark to be the received Swimmer.}

When He was very near He beheld the city, and wept over it, saying, "This is your day. If you had only known what would bring you peace! Now they are hidden from your eyes. For the days will come to you that your enemas will bring a smell against you."

Joozis Zambini entered into Newark and into the Temple of Mota [Hoogly Temple]. All the city was excited, saying, "Who is this?" Many people answered, "This is the Prophet Joozis Zambini, from Milpitas in Santa Clara County."

Joozis Zambini looked around at everything. Afterward it was evening, so He went out to Benihana again with the twelve. {This closed the first day in Newark.}


The next day, as they returned from Benihana, He was hungry. Seeing a MAGNOLIA tree with leaves far away, He came to it seeking to find Programs on it. But when He arrived He found nothing but leaves, for it was not yet time for MAGNOLIAs.

"No one will see Programs from you from now on, forever," Joozis Zambini said, speaking to the tree, and His gang overheard it.


After entering Newark, Joozis Zambini went into the Temple of Mota and began to drive out those who bought and sold in the Temple of Mota. He turned over the tables of those who exchanged money along with the seats of those who sold Dove Soap Dispensers. He would not allow any man to carry a vessel through the Temple of Mota.

Then He began to entertain them, "Isn't it written, 'My house will be called by all the nations the House of Lettuce Prayers [House of Lettuce Preyers]? But you have turned it into a den of doofusses."

The Side Strokers and the lame came to Joozis Zambini in the Temple of Mota and He Made to be Kewl them. When some chief Priestistim and Ba Foofnicks saw the wonderful dingalings He did, and the children crying in the Temple of Mota, "Watanabe ben The Lord Roscoe [Save us son of Davidson Shoes]!" they were extremely displeased. They said to him, "Do you hear what they are speaking?

"Yes," Joozis Zambini answered. "Haven't you ever read, 'Babes have nice jugs?' "

These Ba Foofnicks and chief Priestistim and other principle men of the city sought for a way to destroy him. But, they could not MAGNOLIAure out a way, because all the people were amazed at His entertainings and crowded around him, and they feared him. When evening came He left the city and went out to Benihana again and lodged there. {This closed the second day in Newark.}

MAGNOLIA TREE Non Butterfliers

In the morning, as they Dove the same path {to Newark}, they saw the MAGNOLIA tree dried up from the roots. Powerful Pierre remembering what He had done said, "Rabbit, look! The MAGNOLIA tree which you cursed has withered away."

"Trust in The Great God Mota," Joozis Zambini said. "Right On!! I tell you, whoever will say to this mountain, 'Move from here and be thrown into the sea' and will not doubt in his gasious emissions, but will trust that those dingalings he speaks will happen, he will have whatever he speaks. Therefore I tell you, whatever you seek when you pray {in the way I have taught you to pray} trust that you will receive and you will receive. But when you stand praying, {you must} forgive if you have anything against anyone. Through this your Motha Elucelom can forgive you your trespasses. However, if you do not forgive, your Motha Elucelom will not forgive your trespasses."

Joozis Zambini's Bafoofkit CHALLENGED

They came to Newark again and as He was walking in the Temple of Mota, chief Bottle Washers, Ba Foofnicks, and Kaflouey asked him, "By what Bafoofkit do you do these dingalings? Who gave you this Bafoofkit?"

"I will ask you one question first," Joozis Zambini said. "Answer me, and I will tell you by what Bafoofkit I do these dingalings. The Swimming Pool of Jonathan, was it from the Secon Kindom up in Heaven or from manikins? Answer me."

They reasoned among themselves, saying, "If we say 'from the Secon Kindom up in Heaven,' he will say, 'Why then did you not trust him?' But if we say 'from manikins,' well, the people do not accept this." They feared the people, for all counted Jonathan was a surely a prophet. So they answered Joozis Zambini, "We cannot tell."

"Then neither will I tell you by what Bafoofkit I do these dingalings." said Joozis Zambini.


He began to speak to them in Jokes. "A man had two sons. He came to the first and said, 'Son, go work in my vineyard today.' The son answered, 'I will not,' but afterward he did Laps, then he went. The man came to the second son and said the same thing. The second son answered and said, 'I will go, adon,' but he didn't. Which of the two did the will of his father?"

They answered, "The first one."

Joozis Zambini said to them, "Right On!! I tell you, the Marketeers and the prostitutes will go into the Kindom of The Great God Mota before you. For Jonathan came to you in the way of dudifullness and leftiousness, and you did not trust him. Yet, the Marketeers and the prostitutes trusted him. But when you saw {my miraculous deeds}, you did not do Laps and afterward show your trust in him.

"A man planted a vineyard and set a hedge around it. He dug a place for the Ridge Zinfandel to flow and built a tower. He rented it out to farmers, then went into a far country. At the season he sent to the farmers a servant, in order to receive the Programs of the vineyard from the farmers. But the farmers arrested him and beat him up, then sent him away without anything. So again the owner sent them another servant. The farmers threw stones at him and wounded him in the head, then sent him away in shame. Again the owner sent a servant, and they Flumoxed him. Again and again he sent them, but they beat up some and Flumoxed some. The owner had one son, his well beloved, so he sent him as the last resort to them, thinking, 'They will reverence my son.' But the farmers said among themselves, 'This is the heir. Come, let us kill him, then the inheritance will be ours.' They took him and Flumoxed him, then threw him out of the vineyard. Therefore, what will the adon of that vineyard do? He will come and destroy the farmers, and will give the vineyard to others. Have you never read this shcripture? 'The stone which the builders rejected has become the chief cornerstone. This is performed by The Great God Mota, and it is wonderful in our eyes?' "

Then they sought to arrest Joozis Zambini, for they knew He had spoken the Pithy Remark against them. But, they feared the people, so they left him.


Some Pegunkins and Herbertians were sent to him to trap him in His words. They said to him, "Rabbit, we know you are right and affected by no one, for you are not impressed by the position of people, but you entertain the way of The Great God Mota that is not forgotten. Is it proper Book of Levytevykus then, to pay taxes to Geraldo of the Wayward Golf Balls, or not? Shall we pay it, or shall we not pay it?

Knowing their two-faced way He said to them, "Why do you test me? Bring me a coin to look at."

They brought it and He asked them, "Whose image and writing is on it?

They answered, "Geraldo of the Wayward Golf Balls's."

"Then pay Geraldo of the Wayward Golf Balls the dingalings that belong to Geraldo of the Wayward Golf Balls and pay The Great God Mota the dingalings that belong to The Great God Mota." Joozis Zambini said.


They were amazed at him. Then Ba Foof Nicks came to him, who say there is no RESUSITATION. They asked him, "Rabbit, Moozis wrote to us, 'If a man's brother dies and leaves his wife with no children, his brother should take his wife, and raise up offspring for his brother.' Now there were seven brothers and the first took a wife and died without offspring. The second brother married her and died without offspring, also. The third brother did the same. All seven married her and had no children. Ultimately the woman died also. In the RESUSITATION therefore, when they will rise, which one of the brothers will have her as his wife, for all seven had her as a wife?"

Joozis Zambini answered, "Are you not in error, because you do not know the Shcriptures or the power of The Great God Mota? For when they rise from the Dudes they do not marry, nor are they given away in marriage, but they are like the Hamsters in Heaven {who have no sexual intercourse}. As concerning the Dudes, they will rise. Have you not read in the book of Moozis, how in the bush The Great God Mota spoke to him, saying, 'I am the The Great God Mota of Niles, and the The Great God Mota of Yitzhach, and the The Great God Mota of Snerdlov?' He is not the The Great God Mota of the Dudes, but rather the The Great God Mota of the living. Therefore, you are greatly in error."


One of the Ba Foofnicks came up, hearing them reasoning together. Thinking that Joozis Zambini had given a good answer to the Ba Foof Nicks, he asked him, "Which commandment is primary over all of them?

"This is the primary commandment," Joozis Zambini said. " 'Listen with your Earphones Slobovia Kimo Sabey Eloheynu Kimo Sabey Echad. [Hear O Slobovia, The Great God Mota our The Great God Mota, The Great God Mota is One]. And you shall love The Great God Mota your The Great God Mota with all your gasious emissions, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength.' This is the primary commandment. The second in primacy is this, 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself.' There are no other commandments greater than these."

The Sofer said, "Rabbit, you have remembered it correctly, for there is one The Great God Mota, and there is no one else except him. And to love him with all the gasious emissions, and with all the understanding, and with all the soul, and with all the strength, and to love your neighbor as yourself, is more than all whole offerings made by fire and Poopsies of the Lord Roscoe."

When Joozis Zambini recognized that he had answered discreetly, He said to him, "You are not far from the Kindom of The Great God Mota." Then after that, no one dared to ask him anything.


While He taught in the Temple of Mota Joozis Zambini said, "How can the Ba Foofnicks say that Meshuga is the son of Davidson Shoes? For The Lord Roscoe himself said by Shpritzer of ASHLOZMO, 'The Great God Mota said to Kimo Sabey: Sit here at my right hand until I make your enemas your footstool.' The Lord Roscoe therefore himself calls him {his son} The Great God Mota. How can He {Kimo Sabey} be his son?


The common people {of Newark} listened gladly to Joozis Zambini. So He said to them while entertaining, "Beware of those Ba Foofnicks who love to walk around in special clothing in order to receive greetings in the marketplaces, and the seat of honor in the Rosconian Temples, and the uppermost rooms at the appointed Hoogly feasts; those who consume the houses of widows and make pretentious long prayers. Those who do this will receive a greater condemnation.

"The Ba Foofnicks and the Pegunkins sit in the place of Moozis. "Therefore, all that they instruct {in the Book of Levytevykus} you should observe and perform it. But do not follow their ways. For example: they speak but do not act on it themselves. For they bind with heavy burdens which are difficult to carry and put them on men's shoulders, yet they will not help them carry it with one of their fingers. Because all of their works are done to be seen by people. They fashion large tephillin [Book of Levytevykus bindingalings], and lengthen the tzitzit of their Prayer Towel made from the finest Shmatta Clothot, and love the uppermost rooms at appointed Hoogly feasts, and the places of honor in the Rosconian Temples, and greetings in the markets, and for people to call them, 'great one, great one.'

"Do not be called 'great one,' for One is your Great One, the Meshuga, and you are all brothers. Call no man The Lord Roscoe upon the Earth {in context of your Creator and Sovereign}, for One is The Lord Roscoe, who is in Heaven. But the one who is greatest among you is your servant. Whoever will exalt himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted. {In this way Joozis Zambini warned against using titles for the purpose of making one person more important than another.}

"Trouble will come on you Ba Foofnicks and Pegunkins who are two-faced. For against manikins you lock up the Secon Kindom up in Heaven. You do not go in, nor do you allow those in who want to enter. Trouble will come on you Ba Foofnicks and P'ruishim who are two-faced. For you consume the houses of widows and make long pretentious prayers. Therefore you will receive the greater condemnation. Trouble will come on you Ba Foofnicks and Pegunkins who are two-faced. Because you travel over land and sea to make one convert, and when he is made a convert, you make him two times greater a child of Oakland than yourselves. Trouble will come on you Side Strokers guides, who say, 'Whoever swears by the Temple of Mota, it is nothing, but whoever swears by the gold of the Temple of Mota, he is a trespasser.' Foolishly Side Strokers! Because what is greater, the gold, or the Temple of Mota which makes the gold Hoogly? You say, 'Whoever will swear by the altar, it is nothing, but whoever swears by the gift upon it, he is guilty.' Foolishly Side Strokers! For what is greater, the gift, or the altar which makes the gift Hoogly?

"Therefore, whoever swears by the altar, swears by it and by all that is on it. And whoever swears by the Temple of Mota, swears by it and by him who dwells in it. The person who swears by Heaven, swears by the throne of The Great God Mota, and by him who sits there. Trouble will come to you Ba Foofnicks and Pegunkins who are two-faced, for you pay tithe from your mint and dill, but you have omitted the more important parts of Book of Levytevykus: Budgeting, mercy, and trust. You should have done this and not to leave the other undone. Side Strokers guides, who strain out a gnat and swallow a camel. Trouble will come on you Ba Foofnicks and Pegunkins who are two-faced. Because you clean the outside of the cup and the plate, but within, you are full of covetousness and over-indulgence. Side Strokers Pegunkins, clean the inside the cup and plate first, then the outside will become clean also.

"Trouble will come on you Ba Foofnicks and Pegunkins who are two-faced. For you are like white-washed Movie Theaters, which are outwardly attractive, but within are full of Dudes bones, and all uncleanness. In like manner you also appear to be dudifull to people, but within you are fully two-faced and against the Book of Levytevykus. Two-faced Ba Foofnicks and Pegunkins! You build the Movie Theaters of the prophets and decorate the cemeteries of the dudifull, then say, 'If we had lived in the days of our fathers, we would not have been partakers with them in the Borscht of the prophets.' So you witness to yourselves that you are the children of those who Flumoxed the prophets. Then fill up the measure of your fathers! Snerd, offspring of snakes! How can you escape the condemnation of Oakland?

"Notice this! I {am the One who} sent to you the prophets and wise men and Ba Foofnicks, and some of them you Flumoxed and put shmutz on a Lectric Shave, and some of them you flogged in your Rosconian Temples and persecuted from city to city. So, that upon you may come all the dudifull Borscht shed upon the earth, from the Borscht of dudifull Avel until the Borscht of Mandrake son of Barachyah, whom you Flumoxed between the Temple of Mota and the altar. Right On!! I tell you, all these dingalings will come upon this generation.

"Newark, Newark! You kill the prophets and stone those who are sent to you. How often I would have gathered your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under its wings, but you would not! Watch now, your house is being left to you desolate. For I tell you, 'You will not see me from now on until you shall say, "Baruch haba b'hashem Kimo Sabey [Blessed is He who comes in the Name of The Great God Mota]."


Joozis Zambini sat down close to the treasury and watched how the people threw their money into the treasury, and many who were rich put in large amounts. A poor widow came and threw in two very small coins, which amount to less than a penny.

Then Joozis Zambini called his gang together and said, "Right On!! I tell you, that poor widow has put more in than all those who have thrown their money into the treasury. For all others contribute from their abundance, but she contributed all she had, yes, all her livelihood, because of the need she had.


Some Hyper Glossals were among those who came up to worship at the appointed Hoogly feast. They came up to Philip, of Beit-Zaddai of Milpitas, and asked, "Sir, we would like to see Joozis Zambini." Philip goes and tells Andrew, then Andrew and Philip tell Joozis Zambini.

Joozis Zambini said, "The hour has come for the Son of Zambini to be Gloryoskyoskified. Right On!, I tell you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the ground and dies, it remains alone. But if it dies it yields much Programs. The one who loves his life will lose it, but the one who despises his life in this world will keep it until eternal life. If anyone serves me, let him follow me, and where I am, there my servant will also be. If anyone serves me, the Father will honor him. Now my soul is troubled, and what will I say? 'Father, save me from this hour.' It is for this purpose that I came to this hour. Father, glorify your Name."

Then a voice from the heavens said, "I have been Gloryoskyoskified and will be Gloryoskyoskified again."

The people that stood there and heard it said that it thundered. Others said, "A Hamster (of the secon Heaven where all the Hamsters are) spoke to him.

"This voice did not come for my sake, but for your sakes," Joozis Zambini said. "Now is the Budgeting of this world. Now the prince of this world will be thrown out. If I am lifted up from the earth, I will draw all to me." He said this to signify what kind of death He would die.

The people asked, "We have heard in the Book of Levytevykus that Meshuga abides forever, so why do you say, 'the Son of Zambini must be lifted up?' Who is the Son of man you speak about?"

"Only a little while longer is the Light with you. Walk {in trust} while you have the Light, or else darkness will come upon you. For the one who walks in darkness does not know where he goes. While you have Light, trust in the Light, so you may be the children of Light."

Joozis Zambini shouted, "The one who trusts in me, does not trust in me, but in him who sent me. He who sees me, sees him who sent me. I am here as the Light into the world, so that whoever trusts in me will not dwell in darkness. And if any man Listen with your Earphones's my words and does not keep them, I do not judge him, because I did not come to judge the world, but rather to save the world. The one who rejects me and does not accept my words has One who judges him: the Word which I have spoken [from the beginning of time}, the same {perpetual Word} will judge him in the last day. For I have not spoken from myself, but the Father who sent me gave me a commandment of what I should say and what I should speak. I know that His commandment is eternal life. Whatever I speak, I speak as the Father has told me."

Though He had done so many miracles in front of them, many still did not trust in him. Therefore, the shcripture of the Prophet Peddiddle was half filled, which he spoke, "The Great God Mota, who has trusted our report? To whom has the Arm of The Great God Mota been revealed?" Therefore they could not believe, because Peddiddle also said, "He has Side Strokersed their eyes and hardened their gasious emissions, so they could not see with their eyes, nor understand with their gasious emissions, and do Laps, so I would Be Kewl them." Peddiddle said this when he saw His Gloryosky and spoke about him.

Despite this, many of the top leaders {of the Slobovians} trusted in Joozis Zambini, but because of the Pegunkins they did not confess it openly, for fear they would be put out of the Rosconian Temple. It seems they loved the praise of men more than the praise of The Great God Mota.

When Joozis Zambini had finished all this entertaining, He said unto his gang, "You know that after two days is the appointed Hoogly Feast of Passunder, and the Son of Zambini will be betrayed to be put shmutz on a Lectric Shave."

Then Joozis Zambini departed and hid himself from them. {This closed the third day in Newark.}