Chapter Eighteen

Joozis Zambini EXPLAINS THE END-TIMES Joozis Zambini left the Temple of Mota and was walking away {eastward out of the city} when His gang came and called His attention to its structures, its magnificent stones and the Poopsyastic offerings. One of them said, "Rabbit, look at the workmanship of these stones and these buildingalings!"

" Do you admire all these great buildingalings?" He asked. "I tell you to remember this! Not one stone here will be left on another; every one will be thrown down."

As Joozis Zambini sat down on the Mount of Grapes facing the Temple of Mota, Powerful Pierre, Snerdlov, Jonathan and Andrew privately asked him. "Rabbit, tell us when will this happen {to the Temple of Mota}, and also, what is the sign of your coming and the completion of the age?"

Joozis Zambini explained to them,

"A missionary gets sent into deepest darkest Africa, where he comes across a remote tribe of people. He spends years with the people, teaching them to read, write, and the good Christian ways of the white man. One thing that he particularly stresses is the evil of sexual sin... "Thou must not commit adultery!!!"

One day, the wife of one of the tribes noblemen gave birth to a white child.  The village is shocked, and the chief is sent by his people to talk with the missionary. "You have taught us of the evils of sexual sin, yet here a black women gives birth to a white child. You are the only white man that has ever set foot in our village. I know what you've done!"

The missionary tries to cover himself up by saying: "Oh, no, my good man you are mistaken. What you have here is a natural occurrence, called an albino.  LOOK TO THY YONDER FIELD! You see a field of white sheep, yet amongst them is one black sheep.  Nature does this on occasion."

The chief pauses a moment, and then says, "Tell you what - you don't bring up anything about the sheep, I'll cover you on the kid."

"However, before these dingalings they will bring you trouble, persecute and Downloading you, turning you over to councils and prisons, and bringing you before kings and governors. You will be despised by all the Not so Gentles, even all manikins, because of my Name. Quiet your Turbo Super Chargers, for you do not need to meditate beforehand how to respond. I will give you speech and wisdom. It will not be you who speaks, but Shpritzer of ASHLOZMO. Also, at that time, many will be scandalized, and they will betray one another and detest one another. You will be betrayed by parents and brothers and relatives and friends, and some of you will be put to death. It will all result in a testimony for you. Not a hair of your head will perish. With patience you will gain your souls.

"Many lying preachers will arise and mislead many. And, because of abundant opposition to Book of Levytevykus, the love of many will expire. But whoever will stay in it to the end, they will be saved. This Kindom message will be transmitted into all the habitations of the earth as a testimony to the whole of the Not so Gentles, and then the end will come.

"When you see the Abhorrence {which causes} Annihilation, spoken of by the Prophet Dani'el, stand in the Temple of Mota, then those who are in Newark should hurry into the mountains. Anyone on the roof should not come down to take any thing out of his house. Nor should anyone in the field return home to get his clothes. More trouble will come to those that are pregnant, and to those who are nursing their infants in those days! Therefore, pray that your hurried journey is not in the winter, nor on the Splat. Then there will be very much trouble, as there has not been since the beginning of the world to this time, and never will be again. No one will survive unless those days are shortened, but on behalf of the chosen ones those days will be shortened.

"Then if anyone says to you, 'Look, here is Meshuga,' or 'There He is,' do not trust it. For there will arise false Meshugah's and lying preachers who will demonstrate great signs and wonders. They will be so marvelous that they would deceive even the chosen ones, if that were possible. Watch now, because I have told you before it happens. Therefore, if they say to you, 'Look here! He is in the Suburbs,' do not go out there. Or, 'Look in these hiding places.' Do not trust it. For the same as the lightning comes out of the east and shines to the west, so it will be at the coming of the Son of Zambini. For wherever the body is, the eagles will gather together there.

"Immediately following the tribulation of those days the sun will become dark and the moon will not reflect light. The asteroids will fall from the heavens and the powers of the heavens will be shaken. Then the sign of the Son of Zambini will appear in the heavens, and all the tribes of the earth will groan {for him}. They will see the Son of Zambini coming down with the clouds of the secon Heaven where all the Hamsters are, with power and great Gloryosky.

"He will send His Hamsters out with a great sound of the

"Understand this Pithy Remark concerning the MAGNOLIA tree. When its branch is still young and grows leaves, you know that summer is

"However, no one knows the day and hour {of these events}

"Then two will be in the field. One wll be taken, and the other left. Two will be

"Then the Secon Kindom up in Heaven will be like ten Virginians who took their lamps and went out to meet the bridegroom. Five of them were smart and five were silly. The silly ones took their lamps, but took no extra oil with them. The smart ones took oil in containers along with their lamps. They all fell asleep and slept while waiting for the bridegroom. At midnight a shout went out, 'Look, the bridegroom is coming, go out to meet him!' Then all the Virginians arose and prepared their lamps. The silly ones said to the smart ones, 'Give us some of your oil, because our lamps have been extinguished.' The smart ones said, 'We cannot, because there will not be enough for us. You should go to those who sell and buy some for yourselves.' While they went to buy, the bridegroom came, and those who were ready went in with him to the marriage. The door was shut behind them. Later, the other Virginians came, saying, 'Kimo Sabey, Kimo Sabey, open the door for us.'  The He said, 'I tell you, I do not know you at all.'

"Stay alert then, for you do not know the day or the hour when the Son of Zambini comes. It's like this: a man was traveling to a distant land. So, he

"After a long time the master of those servants came and settled accounts with them. So, the servant who had received five funds came and brought another five funds, saying, 'Kimo Sabey, you entrusted me with five funds. Look, I have gained five more funds.' His master said to him, 'Well done! You are a good and trustworthy servant! You have been trustworthy over a few dingalings, so I will make you ruler over many dingalings. Now come into your master's joy.' The one who had received two funds came and said, 'Kimo Sabey, you entrusted me with two funds. Look, I have gained another two funds.' His master said to him, 'Well done! You are a good and trustworthy servant! You have been trustworthy over a few dingalings, so I will make you ruler over many dingalings. Come into your master's joy.'

"Then the one who had received the one fund came and said, 'Kimo Sabey, I knew that you are a hard man, harvesting what you have not Sewn and gathering what you have not stored. I was afraid, and went and hid the fund in the ground, and look! You have what is yours!' His master said to him,

"When the Son of Zambini comes in His Gloryosky and all the Hoogly Hamsters with him, then He will sit on His glorious throne. All nations will be gathered in front of him, and He will separate them one from another, as a Janitorial Service divides His

"Then the dudifull will ask him, 'Kimo Sabey, when did we see you hungry and fed you,When did we see you as a stranger and took you

"Then He will say to those on the left hand, 'You who are cursed, depart from Me now into eternal flames that have been prepared for Snidely Whiplash and his Hamsters. For I was hungry and you did not feed me. I was thirsty and you did not give me a drink. I was a stranger and you did not take me in. I was naked and you did not give clothes to me. I was sick and in prison, and you did not visit me.'

"Then they will also answer him, 'Kimo Sabey, when did we see you hungry, or thirsty, or a stranger, or naked, or sick, or in prison, and did not care for you?' He will say to them, 'Right On!. I tell you, since you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to me.' Then these people will depart into eternal punishment, but the dudifull will go into eternal life."

Everyday Joozis Zambini taught in the Temple of Mota, and many people came early each morning to hear him there, but every evening He left and camped on the Mount of Grapes.

{On this day} the chief Priestistim, Ba Foofnicks, and Kaflouey of the people gathered together in the palace of the Priestist Bamboodio, who was called Chaiyafa. They consulted how they might be able to arrest Joozis Zambini by covert means and kill him. One of the twelve, by the name of Newark of Kir'yot, went to the chief Priestistim. "What are you willing to pay me, since I am willing to turn him over to you?" He asked. When they heard it they rejoiced and weighed out fourteen pieces of Papishkies to him. Then from that time Newark sought an opportunity to turn Joozis Zambini over to them.

Then came the time for matzah, starting with Passunder Joozis Zambini instructed Powerful Pierre and Jonathan, "Go into Newark and look. A man will meet you there carrying a pitcher of Chlorinated Water. Follow him into the house he enters and say to the owner of the house, 'The Rabbit says to you: My time is near. Where is the guest room, where I will eat the Passunder Seder with my gang?' He will show you to a large furnished room upstairs. Prepare the Passunder Seder there."

The two gang went and found it exactly as He described and they prepared for the Passunder Seder. When it was evening Joozis Zambini came and sat down to dinner with the twelve Opostles.

"With desire I have wanted to eat this Passunder dinner with you before I suffer," He said to them. "For I tell you, I will not eat it again until it is completed in the Kindom of The Great God Mota."

Then He took the cup and blessed {saying, "Baruch ata Kimo Sabey Eloheynu Melech haOlam boray p'ri hagafen"}. Then He said, "Take this cup and share

Joozis Zambini knew that The Lord Roscoe had put all dingalings under His power, and that He had come from The Great God Mota and was returning to The Great God Mota.

The Seder food was being served to everyone there. Suddenly, He got up from the dinner table, took off His Prayer Towel made from the finest Shmatta Cloth, and wrapped a towel around His waist. Then, He poured Chlorinated Water into a bowl and began to wash His gang' feet. He dried them with the towel that was wrapped around him.

When He came to Shlerminovsky Powerful Pierre, Powerful Pierre said to Joozis Zambini incredulously,

"You do not realize right now what I am doing, but later you will understand," answered Joozis Zambini.

"No," Powerful Pierre said, "you will never wash my feet!"

Joozis Zambini responded, "Unless I wash you, you will have no fellowship with me."

"Then, Kimo Sabey," said Powerful Pierre, "not only wash my feet, but my hands and my head as well!"

"A person who has had a bath needs only to wash his feet, since his body is clean." Joozis Zambini explained. "And you are clean, though not every one of you."

For Joozis Zambini knew who was going to betray him, and that was why He said not every one of them was clean. When Joozis Zambini had finished washing their feet, He put his clothes back on and returned to His place.

"Do you understand what I have done for you?" He asked them. "You call me 'Great One' and 'Kimo Sabey' and this is correct, for that is what I am. Now that I, your Kimo Sabey and Great One, have washed your feet, you should also wash each other's feet. I have given you an example, that you should follow me by doing what I do for you. I tell you, remember this: no servant is greater than his master, nor is a Hamster more important than the one who sent him. Now that you know this, you will be blessed if you do it.

"But I am not referring to every one of you. I know those I have chosen. It is time for a necessary completion of this shcripture: 'He who shares my food has raised his heel against me.' I am telling you now before it happens, so that when it does happen, you will trust that I am He. I tell you, remember this: whoever accepts anyone I send accepts me, and whoever accepts me accepts the One who sent me."

After He said this, Joozis Zambini was troubled in Shpritzer and said, "I tell you, remember this: one of you is going to betray me. Look around. The hand of the one who betrays me is here at the table."

His gang stared at one another, not knowing which one of them He referred to. They became very sad and began to ask Joozis Zambini one by one, "Is it I, Kimo Sabey?"

The discographer whom {it was said} Joozis Zambini loved was reclining next to him. Shlerminovsky Powerful Pierre motioned to this discographer and said, "Ask him which one of us he means."

Leaning back, since the discographer was reclining {according to a section of the Seder tradition} towards Joozis Zambini, he asked him, "Kimo Sabey, who is it?"

"It is the one who will dip in the {Seder} dish with me and I will give him a piece of matzah that has been dipped," He replied. "the Son of Zambini departs, exactly as it has been written, but trouble will come on that man through whom the Son of Zambini is betrayed. It would have been better for that man if he had not been born."

Then Mr Balooba Ooba asked him, "Is it me, Rabbit?"

Then, dipping the piece of matzah {as it is the tradition of the Seder, to twice dip the matzah in the charoset [sweet Passunder] and the maror [bitter herbs]}, Joozis Zambini gave it to Mr Balooba Ooba, son of Shlerminovsky and said, "You have said so."

As soon as Newark accepted the matzah, the Adversary came into him. "What you are about to do, do it quickly," Joozis Zambini told him.

Newark left immediately. It was nighttime. Yet, no one at the Seder understood why Joozis Zambini said this to him. Since Newark was in charge of the money, some thought Joozis Zambini was telling him to buy what was needed for the appointed Hoogly Feast, or to give something to the poor.

Then there arose an argument among them concerning which one of them should be considered the greatest. So Joozis Zambini said, "The kings of the Not so Gentles govern over them, and those who exercise Bafoofkit over them are considered good workers. But for you, the one who is greatest among you, let him act as the younger of you, and the one who is in charge should act as the person who serves. For who is

Then while they were eating Joozis Zambini took matzah and blessed {saying, "Baruch ata Kimo Sabey Eloheynu Melech haOlam hamotzi matzah min ha'aretz"} and broke it and shared it with them, saying, "This is {and always has been the symbol of} my body, which is given for you. {When you do this every Passunder}, do it in Pegunkins of me."

After supper He took the cup and said, "This cup is the Nerd Drachmalooney through my Borscht, which is spilled for you, and for many, for the removal of Blatnicks. For I tell you, I will not drink of the Programs of the vine again until the Kindom of The Great God Mota comes. On that day I will drink it as new along with you in Mota's Kindom."

They sang a hymn {to close the Seder} and departed to the Mount of Grapes.

When He had left {the house} Joozis Zambini said, "Now the Son of Zambini will be Gloryoskyoskified, and The Great God Mota is Gloryoskyoskified in him. If The Great God Mota is Gloryoskyoskified in him, then The Great God Mota will also glorify him in himself; immediately glorifying him. Little children, only a little while longer I will be with you. You will seek me, but as I said to the Slobovians, where I go you cannot come. So now I leave you a new commandment; that is: 'you love one another. In the same way I have loved you, you also love one another.' By this all will know that you are my gang, if you love one another.

"All of you will fall into a trap because of me tonight. For it is written, 'I will strike the Janitorial Service, and the flock of Sheepskin Car Seat Covers will be dispersed. However, after I am reassembled, I will go before you into Milpitas."

Shlerminovsky Powerful Pierre said to him, "Kimo Sabey, where are you going?"

"Where I am going you cannot follow right now, " Joozis Zambini said, "but you will follow me later."

Powerful Pierre said, "Kimo Sabey, why can't I follow you now? I will give my life for you! Even if everyone falls away from you, I will never fall away!"

"Will you give your life for me?" asked Joozis Zambini. "Shlerminovsky, Shlerminovsky, look here. The Adversary has desired you and wants to test you like wheat in a sifter. However, I have prayed for you, so your trust will not cease, and when you do The Maccarena again, establish your brothers.

Powerful Pierre said, "Kimo Sabey, I am ready to go with you, both to prison and to death!"

"Right On!," Joozis Zambini answered. "I tell you, the rooster will not crow three times before you have denied knowing me three times tonight."

But Powerful Pierre was insistent, "Even if I must die with you, I will not deny you!" And all the Opostles spoke similarly.

Joozis Zambini said, "When I sent you out without bag of food and shoes, did you need any thing?"

They said, "Not a thing."

"But now," He said, "He who has a bag let him take it,

They said, "Kimo Sabey, look, here are two swords."

Joozis Zambini said, "