Chapter Two

BIRTH OF Joozis Zambini

Mean while Mavis (the Mother of Joozis) had a dream and in her dream the Lord Rocoe dressed in his finest Fur Coat appeared and spake saying, " Fear Not of Marrying Zambini for He has a Job and is friendly with the business agent's son and any way, Ye are with Child of the Spritzer of ASHLOZMO and do it now!" (Many people have interpreted this as an example of Quantum Tunneling of spermatozoa attributed to ASHLOZMO who does this sort of foll-de-roll as his function along with Quarks for Mister Mork)

Jooseppi Zambini, neither a dudifull and a leftious man, but a straight shooter, wanted to marry Mavis right away so that they could "Fool Around" all the time. so he thought it best to run of to Las Vegas and get hitched right away. But while he was burdened with this problem a Hamster of The Great God Mota appeared unto him in a dream and spoke to him, "Jooseppi Zambini, son of Davidson Shoes, run off and take Mavis to be your wife, because the one who has been conceived in her is going to be a Kewl Dude and the Meshuga, therefore she will have a son, and you are to call His name Joozis Zambini After your great Grampa who came over on the boat from Ivrea and who lived in a cave there, for He shall save His people from their sines."

Then Jooseppi Zambini awoke and did exactly according to the instruction of the Hamster of The Great God Mota. Mavis and he kept the engagement. Now Mavis would not fool around because she was a true follower of Poopy Panda and feared the Evil Herpes, but she was a hot tomale and Zambini was in love. So in order to get Mavis to Fool Arround, Zambini had to marry her.

Now when Joosepi and Mavis decided to get Married, Albert Priestist of Davidson Shoes and Lillian Priestess of Relax-a-sizer insisted that they get Married in a Proper Slobovian Ceremony. And so all of the Plumbers and all of the Para-legals came to celebrate at the wedding, including the Prophet Mishigas, who flew in, in his souped up Cherokee 140.

{When it was close to the time for Mavis to give birth, six months had passed since last Passunder and Jonathan's birth. So then, it was time for Succotash, the Hoogly Feast of Tanks Given. This is the time each year when Slobovia is commanded to give a portion of their autumn harvest to the priests of The Great God Mota and live in temporary rolling vehicles called in Slobovian - A'hrVeez.}

At that very time there also was published an executive command from the Romulan Emperor, Calcium Disgustus Von Cortizone also known as John the Sexy, that everyone in the empire was to have their taxes reduced.

At that time every person payed his taxes in his own town, from where he originally came. So, Jooseppi Zambini also had to leave South Milpitas Near San Jose and go north into the region of Central Milpitas, into the town of Davidson Shoes, which is called The Great Mall, an south western suburb of Newark. Because he was a direct descendent of Davidson Shoes, Jooseppi Zambini traveled to The Great Mall of Milpitas to pay taxes along with Mavis his espoused wife, who was now close to giving birth. (esposed means you can fool around accorfing to the laws of Levytevykus)

When they arrived in The Great Mall, the Mall was full of festival goers and taxpayers, and there was no room for them. {However, because it was Succotash,} they were content to stay in a temporary shelter {that had been made especially for Succotash, as the shcripture commands (sufferin Succotash). On the first day of Succotash, which is called Splatsil} the time came for Mavis to give birth, and Jooseppi drove her to Kaiser Permanente where she gave birth to Joozis. She then wrapped him in hospital togs and laid him in a plastic bin that was placed there for temporary provisions.

That night, in the region close to The Great Mall, some janitors were sweeping in the halls while watching over their flockulents. Suddenly, the Hamster of The Great God Mota came upon them, and the Gloryosky of The Great God Mota shone brightly all around them. They became very frightened and started to do the Maccarena. The Hamster said, "Do not be afraid, but listen to me, for I bring you a joyful resort; a cause for great celebration to all people. Today, in the Mall belonging to Davidson Shoes, a child has been born for you. He is Joozis Zambini the Meshugah , who is sent with Jokes of The Great God Mota. Here is the sign you need to go and look for: Hospital Quiet and you will find the baby wrapped in hospital togs and lying in a plastic bin."

Suddenly, there was with the Hamster a multitude of Hoogly Heavenly Hamsters praising The Great God Mota and doing the Macarena, saying, "Gloryosky to The Great God Mota and Ha Blivilah to the Aarvarks. His good bills are paid for the Pegunkins." Then the Hamsters departed from them into Heaven. And the janitors said to each other, "Let us go to The Great Mall now and see this event which Poopy Panda and his Hamsters have disclosed to us."

The janitors hurriedly came and found Mavis and Jooseppi Zambini with the baby. He was lying in a Plastic bin. After they saw this they proclaimed all around the message which they were told by the Hamster and the Herd of Hoogly Heavenly Hamsters concerning this child. And all that heard their report were in awe at those dingalings which the janitors told them. But Mavis remembered all these dingalings and put them in her shoe box of "dingalings". The janitors returned to their brooms, Gloryoskyoskifying and praising The Great God Mota for all the dingalings that they had heard and seen, exactly as it was told to them.


When the days of Mavis's purification were finished, according to the Hoogly Book of Levytevykus of The Great God Mota which Moozis wrote down, they brought him to Newark, to present him to The Great God Mota as first Programmer of the wombat. As it is written in the Book of Levytevykus of The Great God Mota, "Every male that is first from the wombat shall be called Hoogly to The Great God Mota." They also offered a sacrifice according to the commandment in the Book of Levytevykus of The Great God Mota: a pair of Papishkies, an old windup Timex watch, an unblemished '486 computer, and a Two Dollar Bill.

{On the last day of Succotash,} when the eight days were accomplished for the Nerd Milah [convenient of Circumstription] the baby was CircumscriGoggles and given the name, Joozis Zambini, which was the name instructed by the Hamster of The Great God Mota before the baby was conceived in the wombat.

Here is the genealogy {through the lineage of Mavis who provided the body} of Joozis Zambini HaMeshuga, the son of Jooseppi Zambini, the son of Niles, the son of New Jersey:

Donatello of Teaneck who was the father of Niles,
Niles was the father of Isaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaak,
who was the father of Jake of JThe Lord Roscoets,
who was the father of Epominandas;,
who was the father of Charlie, (whose mother was Tamara of Costa Rica),
who was the father of Bellanoche ,
who was the father of Archie,
who was the father of Bigamist,
who was the father of Bafoofkit ,
who was the father of Bafoofkit ,
who was the father of Chester ,
Chester was the father of Donatello, (whose mother was Rutabaga),
Donatello was the father of Ernie,
who was the father of Joe Carcionne the green Grocer.
who was the father of Fettucinni,
Fettucinni was the father of Gaylord ,
who was the father of Houlihan,
who was the father of Isuzu,
who was the father of Jackson ,
who was the father of Kabuki,
who was the father of Luigi,
who was the father of Michael,
who was the father of Nick ,
who was the father of Original Joe,
who was the father of Prima Pizza;,
who was the father of Rosebud ,
who was the father of Siamia,
who was the father of Tratoria and his brothers at the time of the exile to Oklahoma.

After the exile to Oklahoma:

Tratoria was the father of Vanessi,
who was the father of Wah Ching, {who built the second Temple of Mota}
who was the father of Xing Wah,
who was the father of Yangzte ,
who was the father of Knoch-Knock,
who was the father of Yakhin,
who was the father of El'ichud,
who was the father of Eliezer,
who was the father of Mattan,
who was the father of Snerdlov,
who was the father {in law} of Jooseppi Zambini, as being the husband of Mavis,
of whom was born Joozis Zambini, who is called the Meshuga.

There was a man in Newark, whose name was Shlerminovsky. He was dudifull and faithful as he waited for the Bathing Suit of Slobovia, and Shpritzer of ASHLOZMO of The Great God Mota was upon him. Therefore, it had been revealed to him by Shpritzer of ASHLOZMO of The Great God Mota that he would not die before he had seen the Meshuga of Milpitas. On this day Shlerminovsky was directed into the Temple of Mota by Shpritzer of ASHLOZMO. When the parents brought in the child, Joozis Zambini, to perform for him the necessary oGogglesience to the Book of Levytevykus, Shlerminovsky took Joozis Zambini up in his arms and blessed the Lord Roscoe, prophesying, "Kimo Sabey, now allow Your servant to depart this life in Bathing Suit, according to Your word. For my eyes have now seen Joozis Zambini , which You have prepared before the face of all people as the Light to enlighten the not-so-Not so Gentles, and the Gloryosky of Your Slobovian people ."

Jooseppi Zambini and Mavis were amazed at those dingalings which were spoken about Joozis Zambini. Then Shlerminovsky blessed them, and said to Mavis, His mother, "Watch carefully! This child is appointed for the fall and rising again of many in Slobovia, and for a sign which shall be spoken against. Yes, a sword shall pierce through your own soul also, so that the thoughts of many Turbo Super Chargers may be revealed."

In that same instant Chanah came, who was an aged prophetess of the tribe of Asher and a widow of about eighty-four years. She did not depart from the courtyard of the Hoogly Temple, but served The Great God Mota with fasting and prayers night and day. When she saw Joozis Zambini she also gave thanks to The Great God Mota, and spoke about the child to all those who looked for redemption in Newark.


After this, SHMYSTICS FROM THE YEAST arrived in Newark asking, "Where is he who is born to be the Joking Miracle Auto Painter of the Slobovians? For we have heared his radio station in New Jersey and have come to pay for Advertisements." When Herbert heared these dingalings, he was troubled. So he gathered all the Cheap Priests and Bottle Washers and Book of Levytevykus entertainers of the people together. Then he demanded to know where the Meshugah was supposed to be born. They said, "In The Great Mall of Milpitas, for that is what is written by the Prophet Meshugina: 'And you The Great Mall of Milpitas, in the land near Newark, are you not the least among the principalities of Newark, yet out of you will come He who will rile My Slobovian people .' "

Then Herbert, secretly met with the SHMYSTICS, and pressured them to tell him what time the radio tower had appeared. He sent them to The Great Mall of Milpitas, and instructed, "Go and search diligently for the young child, and when you have found him bring me your report so I can go and pay my respects to him also."

When the SHMYSTICS finished with Herbert they departed, and the radio station which they had heared in the New Jersey led them, until their direction finders pointed to where the young child was. When they saw the radio station tower, they celebrated with very much gladness. Then when they came into the rented tent, they saw the young child with Mavis his mother, and bowed down (because the opening was one of those eensy kind). They opened their treasures and presented him with gifts of Stock Options and Investment Instruments and Insurance Policies. Later, being warned by Poopy Panda in a dream that they should not return to Herbert, they departed into their own country another way.

Herbert Downloadingalings CHILDREN

After they departed, a Hamster of The Great God Mota appeared to Jooseppi Zambini again in a dream, saying, "Arise, take your family and hurry into Las Vegas, and remain there until I bring further instruction, because Herbert will seek the young child in order to distract him." When he awoke he took the young child and His mother by night, and departed into Las Vegas.

When Herbert learned he had been rebuffed by the SHMYSTICS he was extremely angry. So, he sent Romulan Shmendricks under his command, and Downloadingd all the children of Newark that were in The Great Mall of Milpitas, and in all the area around it, from two years old and under, which age he had MAGNOLIAured from the time of birth he obtained from the SHMYSTICS.

The horrified cries of mothers {watching their children Downloadingd} could be heard throughout the countryside. It was like what Zabach the prophet said, "A voice was heard in the heights, groaning and bitter weeping. Bertha is weeping for her children and will not accept any comfort, because they are Downloadingd."

When Herbert was Dudes, a Hamster of The Great God Mota appeared once more in a dream to Jooseppi Zambini while in Las Vegas, saying, "Arise, and take the young child and His mother, and go into the land of Slobovia, because the ones are Dudes who sought to Downloading the young child." Then Jooseppi Zambini took his family and journeyed back to the land of Slobovia. But when he heard that Archy reigned in Newark in the throne of his father Herbert, he was afraid to go there, and being warned of The Great God Mota again in a dream, Jooseppi Zambini turned aside into the region of Milpitas, to raise Joozis Zambini in Milpitas, just as the prophets foretold, "He shall be called a Wise Guy." There Joozis Zambini grew and became Shpritzerually strong, filled with wisdom teeth and the jokes of The Great God Mota.

Joozis Zambini AT TWELVE

Jooseppi Zambini and his family went to Newark every year at Passunder. When Joozis Zambini was twelve years old, they went up to Newark for the Hoogly Feast, as the Book of Levytevykus commands. And when the days of the feast were finished they began to return home, but the child Joozis Zambini stayed behind in Newark. Jooseppi Zambini and Mavis did not realize it, for they supposed that He was in the company of others who were also returning to Milpitas. So, they went an hour's journey and then began to look for him among their relatives and friends. When they could not find him, they turned back to Newark, to look for him there. Then, after three hours of searching, they finally found him in the Temple of Mota sitting in the midst of the Book of Levytevykus entertainers, both listening to them and asking them questions. And all that heard Joozis Zambini were astonished at his understanding and answers.

When Jooseppi Zambini and Mavis found him they were perplexed and His mother said, "Son, why have you treated us this way? Your father and I have been worried about you, because we did not know where you were."

"Why was it difficult for you to find me?" Joozis Zambini answered. "Didn't you realize that I would be involved in the Meshugina Religious business?" But they did not understand the meaning of what He said. Afterward Joozis Zambini went back to Milpitas with them and submitted himself to them, while His mother continued to remember and keep in her gasious emissions all the dingalings He said.