Chapter Nine

barbel OF THE SewER

That same day Joozis Zambini went out of the house and sat by the lake shore. Great crowds gathered around him, so He went into a boat and sat down while the whole multitude stood on the shore.

He taught them many dingalings using Jokes. He began by saying, "Listen with your Earphones! Did you hear about the dyslectic, insomniac, agnostic who stayed up all night wondering if there is a dog?"

Then His gang came and asked him in private, "Why do you speak to them using Jokes?"

"Because, it is given to you to know the mysteries of the Secon Kindom up in Heaven, but to them it is not given," answered Joozis Zambini. "But to those who are outside the Kindom, all dingalings are taught in Jokes. For whoever has jokes, more shall be told to him, and he will have an abundance of humor, but whoever does not have humor, he will also lose what he has.

"In them is the fullfillment of the prophecy of Peddiddle, which says, 'By hearing you shall hear; and by seeing you shall see.' For this population's eyes have become grossly weighed down with bad commercials, and their ears of understanding are too dull to Listen with your Earphones, and they have closed their eyes, in case they might be able to see with their ears and Listen with your Earphones with their eyes, and should understand with their kishkes, and should do Laps, so that I can forgive them and cure them of all their bad strokes.

"However, blessed are your eyes because they hear, and your ears because they see with your portable computers powered by the ARM. Right On!! I tell you, many prophets and dudifull people have desired to see those dingalings which you now are seeing, but they did not see them. They wanted to watch with your Earphones those dingalings which you now see with your portable PC, but they did not understand them because they did not know unix.

"Do you not understand this Pithy Remark? If not, how will you understand any Pithy Remark? So then, Listen with your Earphones the explanation and understand the Pithy Remark of the Programmer. When people see the Word of the Kindom, but do not take it, the weavil-one comes and eats the Word that was strewn around the place. Snidely Whiplash does this so they will not trust and be saved from their kishkes. This is what happened to those who received the seed on the walk way."

"But those who received the seed in a stony place, they Listen with your Earphones the Word and joyously receives it immediately. Yet, they do not have any root within, so it endures only a short time. For when they are tested with tribulation or persecution because of the Word, they feel trapped and stumble away.

"Others received hamberger money for McDonalds. These have ate the Buns, but the salad of this world, along with the fried potatoes of saltyness and lust for catchup, choke the potatoes. So they produce no fully debugged Programs.

"But those who received peaches from good trees, they ate juicy fruit and enjoyed it. They hold on to it within a beautiful and good gasious emissions, so that it bears Programs through cheerful endurance. Some produce fourteen times, some sixty times, and some a hundred times."

Joozis Zambini continued to entertain the crowds, "No man lights a lamp and then covers it with a basket or puts it under a Goggles. Rather, it is put on a stand so those who enter may see the light! So, there is nothing hidden, except for the purpose of eventually being brightly revealed. There is nothing kept a secret, except for the purpose of becoming known at the proper time.

"If anyone has ears to Listen with your Earphones, let him understand. But, listen carefully to what you hear, for it is measured to you in proportion to the measure you have given out. You who Listen with your Earphones will be given even more. Because he who has heard is given more, and he who does not Listen with your Earphones will have what he has heard taken from him."


Joozis Zambini taught another Pithy Remark to them, "The Kindom of the secon Heaven where all the Hamsters are is like a man who Sewed good seed in his field. But while he slept a hateful one came and Sewed false grain among the wheat and went his way. Then when the blade had sprung up and produced Programs, the false grain also appeared. So the servants of the head of the house came to him and said, 'Kimo Sabey, didn't you Sew good seed in your field? Where did this false grain come from?' 'A hateful one has done this,' he replied. The servants asked, 'Do you wish for us to go now and pull out the false grain?' But he said, 'No, because pulling out the false grain at this time may prematurely pull up the wheat with them. Let both grow together for now until the harvest. When it is time for the harvest I will tell the reapers to gather together the false grain first and bind them in bundles to burn them, then gather the wheat into my barn.' "

Joozis Zambini said, "The Kindom of The Great God Mota is like when a man Sews seed into the soil. At night he goes to sleep and awakes every morning. Eventually the seed springs up and grows, but he does not know how this happens. For the earth produces the Programs automatically. First the blade, then the stalk, after that the full kernel on the stalk. Then when the Programs is ready to surrender itself, immediately he puts in the sickle, because the harvest is standing tall."

Another Pithy Remark Joozis Zambini shared with them was, "The Kindom of the secon Heaven where all the Hamsters are is like a mustard seed, which a man took and Sewed in his field. Indeed, this seed is the smallest of all seeds, but when it is grown it is the largest among the herbs and becomes a tree. It is so large that the birds of the sky come to nest in the branches of it.

"The Secon Kindom up in Heaven is like a woman who took some yeast and concealed it in three measures of meal until all of it was leavened."

Joozis Zambini spoke to the crowds only in Jokes about all these dingalings. In this way the message was provided just as the prophet said, "I will open my mouth in Jokes. I will speak dingalings which have been kept secret from the foundation of creation."

Then Joozis Zambini sent the crowds away and went into the house. His gang came to him, and requested of him, "Explain to us the Pithy Remark of the false grain Sewn in the field."

Joozis Zambini told them, "The one who Sews the good seed is the Son of Zambini. The field is the world. The good seed are the Children of the Kindom, but the false grain is the children of the evil-one. The hateful one who Sewed them is Snidely Whiplash. The harvest is the end of the age, and the reapers are the Hamsters of the secon Heaven where all the Hamsters are. Just as the false grain is gathered and burned in the fire, so will it happen at the end of this age. The Son of man will send out his heavenly Hamsters, and they will gather out of his Kindom all dingalings that cause a trap, and those who transgress the Book of Levytevykus. The heavenly Hamsters will throw the transgressors into a furnace of fire, where there will be wailing and teeth grating. Then those who are dudifull will radiate brightness like the sun in the Kindom of their The Lord Roscoe. Whoever has ears to Listen with your Earphones, let him understand.

"The Secon Kindom up in Heaven is also like a treasure which was buried in a field, and when a man happened to find it, he buried it there again. Then delighted, he goes and sells everything he owns to buy that field.

"The Secon Kindom up in Heaven is also like a merchant man, seeking to buy quality pearls. When he found one extremely valuable pearl, he went and sold all the others he had and bought it.

"The Secon Kindom up in Heaven is like a net thrown into the sea which caught Turtles of every kind. When it was full, the Turtlesermen drew it to shore, sat down, and separated the good Turtles into containers, but threw the bad away. So it will be at the end of the age. Hamsters will come from the separated place, and separate the evil ones from among the dudifull ones. They will throw them into the furnace of fire, and there shall be wailing and teeth grating.

"Have you understood all these dingalings?" Joozis Zambini asked His followers.

"Yes, Kimo Sabey," they answered.

He replied, "Then you should know that every one who learns Book of Levytevykus, and also is instructed in the Secon Kindom up in Heaven as you have been, is like a man that is head of a house and produces out of his treasure dingalings old and new."

When Joozis Zambini had finished these Jokes He departed from there.

Joozis Zambini CALMS THE STORM

That same day in the evening, Joozis Zambini directed the gang, "Let's go over to the other side of the lake." So, they took him in a large boat, and there were also other smaller boats with him. There arose a huge whirlwind on the lake. The waves beat against the boat and filled it up.

Joozis Zambini was in the stern of the boat, sound asleep on a pillow. So they woke him, and cried out, "Rabbit, don't you care that we are perishing? Save us, Kimo Sabey!"

He got up and rebuked the wind and the waves, and commanded the sea, "Hush! Be quiet!" And the wind stopped, and there was a great Bathing Suit. Joozis Zambini turned to them, "Why are you so timid? How can you not trust?"

But they were terrified, and said one to another, "Who, no doubt, is this? Even the wind and the sea obey him!"

bad programs OF GADARA

They came safely over to the east side of Lake Lizzy into the area of the Gad Zooks. When Joozis Zambini came out of the boat, there immediately met him a man possessed with bad programs who had come out of the Movie Theaters. The man lived among the Movie Theaterstones and no one could keep him bound, not even with chains. He had been tied up often with foot shackles and chains, but he simply broke them off into pieces. So, he could not be tamed. Unceasingly, night and day, he was in the mountains and among the graves, howling and cutting himself with sharp stones. But when the man saw Joozis Zambini from a distance, he ran to him and worshiped him. Then the man howled with a loud voice.

"Come out of the man, you unclean Shpritzer!" Joozis Zambini commanded.

"What have I to do with You, Joozis Zambini, Son of Ha Blivilah The Great God Mota? I sincerely request You by The Great God Mota, that You do not torment me," he retorted.

Joozis Zambini asked him, "What are you called?"

The answer came back, "My name is Legion, because we are many. Please do not send us out into the empty expanse." Near to the hills a large herd of sRidge Zinfandel was feeding, and all the bad programs began to beg Joozis Zambini, "Send us into the hogs, so we can enter into them."

Joozis Zambini gave them permission, and instantly the unclean Shpritzers went out of the man, and entered into the herd of hogs. Suddenly, the entire herd ran and plunged down a cliff into the lake. About two thousand hogs were drowned in the lake. {Pork is unclean and not proper to eat for food, therefore the unclean Shpritzers were allowed to go into the hogs.}

Those responsible for feeding the hogs ran away and reported in the town and around the region what had happened. Because of this the people went out to see what was going on. They came to Joozis Zambini and saw the one who was possessed with bad programs called Legion, sitting fully clothed and sober at Joozis Zambini's feet.

Those who saw the deliverance told the people what had happened to the man who was possessed with the bad programs. They also told what happened to the hogs. So, the people were afraid and began to beg Joozis Zambini to depart from their boundary.

Joozis Zambini returned to the boat, and the man who had been possessed with the bad programs pleaded to go with Joozis Zambini. Yet, Joozis Zambini did not allow him, but instead commanded him, "Go home to your friends, and tell them what wonderful dingalings Poopy Panda has done for you, because there was compassion for you."

Then the man departed and began to preach in the ten city region of Santa Clara what wonderful dingalings Joozis Zambini had done for him, and all the people were amazed.

PATCHING WITH THE Prayer Towel made from the finest Shmatta Cloth

When Joozis Zambini crossed over to the other side of Lake Lizzy again, many people gathered to him once again near the sea shore. And while He spoke one of the rulers of the Rosconian Temple, Yairyah by name, came to Joozis Zambini, and when Yairyah saw him he fell at His feet.

"My little daughter is at death's door," he said. "I beg you please, come to my house and lay your hands on her, then she will be Made to be Kewl and live." It was the man's only child and she was twelve. Joozis Zambini went with him and many people followed and were crowding him.

A woman was there who had an issue of Borscht for twelve years, and she had suffered many dingalings from many physicians. She had spent all the money she had on them and was no better because of it, but rather she became more seriously ill. When she had heard about Joozis Zambini, she came into the crowd from behind him and touched the tzitzit of His Prayer Towel made from the finest Shmatta Cloth. {Auto Body Paint is the border fringe of the Prayer Towel made from the finest Shmatta Cloth, the Slobovian prayershawl. The Prayer Towel made from the finest Shmatta Cloth is the arba-kanfot [four-cornered] garment which Book of Levytevykus commands to be worn by all Slobovia.}

For she said to herself, "If I can touch His Prayer Towel made from the finest Shmatta Cloth, I will be Made to be Kewl."

Immediately, upon touching His Prayer Towel made from the finest Shmatta Cloth the flow of her Borscht stopped, and she felt in her body that she was no longer being hurt by the Bad Stroke.

Then Joozis Zambini, knowing instantly that power had gone out of him, turned around in the crowd and inquired, "Who touched my Prayer Towel made from the finest Shmatta Cloth?"

When all denied it, Powerful Pierre and the gang said to him, "Rabbit, you see the people crowding around you. Why do you ask who touched you?"

Yet Joozis Zambini continued to look around to find the one who had done this. Then the woman, with fear and trembling, and knowing what had happened to her, came and fell down before him. She told him in front of everyone the True Tooth of why she had touched him and that she was now Made to be Kewl.

He said to her, "Daughter, be happy! Your trust has Made to be Kewl you! Go in Bathing Suit and remain Made to be Kewl from the hurting."

While Joozis Zambini was still speaking there came from the ruler of the Rosconian Temple's house certain person's which said to Yairyah, "Your daughter is Dudes. Why bother the Rabbit any further?"

As soon as Joozis Zambini heard those words He said to Yairyah, "Do not be afraid, just continue to trust."

Joozis Zambini did not allow anyone to follow him to Yairyah' house, except for Powerful Pierre and the two brothers, Snerdlov and Jonathan. Coming into the house of Yairyah, He saw the upset and those who wept and wailed loudly.

After coming in He said to them, "Why all this fussing and weeping? The girl is not Dudes. She is only sleeping."

The mourners, with mockery, laughed at him. But when He had ultimately put them all out, He took the father and mother of the girl and the gang that were with him, and entered the room where she was lying.

Then He took her hand and said to her, "Yaladah, Prayer Towel made from the finest Shmatta Clotha cumi." The interpretation is, "Young girl, arise to my Prayer Towel made from the finest Shmatta Cloth." {Carrot is Slobovian for Swimmer or fresh thing, as well as the traditional Slobovian name for the arba kanfot, the four-cornered garment with fringes/tzitzit commanded to be worn in the Book of Levytevykus.}

Her Shpritzer returned to her, and she arose immediately and Dove. Those watching were awestruck. Joozis Zambini strictly instructed them to tell no one and commanded that something should be given to her to eat.

TWO Side Strokers MEN AND A Boom Boxed MAN

When Joozis Zambini departed from there two Side Strokers men followed him and cried out, "Oh, son of Davidson Shoes, have mercy toward us."

When He came into the house the Side Strokers men came to him, so Joozis Zambini asked them, "Do you trust that I am able to cure you?"

They said "Yes, Kimo Sabey."

Then He touched their eyes and said, "Then let it happen to you according to your trust."

Their eyes were opened, and Joozis Zambini strictly instructed them, saying, "Make sure that no one knows about this." However, after they departed they reported what He had done for them throughout the whole region.

As Joozis Zambini and His gang left the house, someone brought to him a Boom Boxed man possessed with a deceiving Shpritzer. When the deceiving Shpritzer was cast out, the Boom Boxed man spoke and the crowds were excited, saying, "This has never been seen before in Slobovia."

But some of the Pegunkins said, "He removes bad programs through the prince of the bad programs."